Pomegranate,

As for your mother's response... I don't know what to say other than (((hugs))).

As for your brother's wife and kids... honestly, they really don't know anything. It didn't involve them, they do not see the same person that you see when you look or interact with your brother. His wife, maybe you told her... but it didn't happen to her, maybe she though you were just an attention seeking little sister..were to little to know what you were talking about, or she just really liked your brother and did want to believe you. Even if she experienced something similar in her mind...she is not you. Maybe you can just ignore them and their response to you for now.

As for what you posted about your brother... he clearly hurt you, you said he kind of acknowledged that but at the time you were not ready to really deal with it. Do you feel stronger now? Do you feel like it is something that you want to finally deal with? When I read your post... maybe my own stuff is creeping in here so PLEASE correct me if I am wrong... you seem like you want your brother to understand the hurt he has caused. The fact that is apologized and made an attempt to connect with you "around" your birthday suggests that he may be trying make amends. IDK, only you would know if these attempts are motivated by something else.

Maybe you could sit quietly with yourself, try to eliminate all other factors and think only about what you want or need. You mentioned that your brothers apology did help some because it validated that what happened, happened. Is that enough? Or do you want more from him than just a validation that it happened. If you want him to hear how his actions have really affected you, then I say...DO IT. Use whatever method you want, a letter, email, face-to-face meeting, whatever. You need to but YOU first.

I think if you want to confront him and deal with it in more detail you are going to have the be the one to raise the issue.

I DON'T KNOW YOUR BROTHER, I'm just putting the following rationales out there in an attempt to help you explore your brother's actions.

After your SI attempt, he may have gotten a clue about the impact of what he's done. He may know what he did was wrong, may be feeling guilty about hurting, may know that what he did hurt you a lot... but he may be too ashamed to go there without you mentioning it first. He might even be afraid that if he brings up the issue, he will be hurting you all over again.

He maybe he experienced some kind of abuse too (your mom--well doesn't sound very motherly) and he feels what he did you was because of what was done to him. Maybe he feels bad, but not completely responsible for his actions because... maybe like your mother...he feels like whatever happened to you was NOTHING compared to what happened to ME.

Maybe your brother may be a slimball and think what he did wasn't all that bad but he apologized just because you were in a bad place.

Maybe...to him it was just a physical act. Something other guys he hung out with had done and they convinced themselves that it was no big deal.

Maybe he doesn't understand/ appreciate how it has really impacted your life. (This just made me think of a situation with my brother last year. We were traveling together and passed through our hometown. We were making comments about things we were remembering as we drove through. At one point my brother, laughs and says, "There! Right there I remember getting busted seconds before doing some 15 yr old high school girl who I had just met." "Man that was a crazy night. We were in the back seat, I was just about to ____ her, and BAM, BAM, BAM a cop's flashlight was rapping on the back window." "Boy, her mother was pissed at me, screaming and carrying on while I was handcuffed in the back of the police car." As I was listening to him tell this story... I didn't know how to respond. I stopped playing the remember when game. IDK... I think sometimes guys... just have a different view of things. It was at that point... I realized, even if I did tell him about how our childhood affected me... he wouldn't understand.

I'm sorry for getting long-winded. Pomegranate I just hope you can put yourself first and do what it is YOU need to do to get your life back and heal. (((pomegranate)))