Well this morning started out well. But the rest of the day has pretty much sucked. I've pretty much been the butt of everyone's jokes today. I've had mistakes thrown in my face today that happened months ago.
My dad and stepmom invited me to go on a trip. Its 5 hours on the road and then we'll be there for 4 days. To be honest I don't want to go. I don't get along with them. Yeah, I do okay with them for about 2 hours but after that its pretty bad. But the thing is that my nieces and my brother are going and I want to go with them. I want to be with my nieces. They asked me today if I was going and i said yes but on other trips I usually change my mind a few weeks before we go. I know it gets on their nerves but why go on a trip that they don't really want me to go on. They invite me on trips and then once I say yes or maybe, they spend the next month or however long before the trip trying to get me no to go so I so I change my mind. They do this so they can say "she's the one that changed her mind, we wanted her to go". That way its my fault. Well with the trip coming up...I don't want to go. I'm only going for my nieces. But now that I've said I'm planning to go they've spent the last few days trying to talk me out of it. I don't want to go but yet I do so that I can be with my nieces. They are growing up so fast and I want to spend as much time with them as I can. It just bugs me that they invite me when they really don't want me to go. I know that they are being nice and that I probably should have said no but whatever.
Then on top of that every single mistake I've made has been thrown in my face. I know I'm not perfect. Yes, I make mistakes. But I'm sick of my mistakes being thrown in my face. Every time I talk to someone it has to do with how I messed up a month ago or whatever. As I said, I mess up. I"m not perfect. But no one else is either. I know what I'm about to say is mean but sometimes I like it when other people mess up. Then I can say.."see, you mess up to" "I'm not the only one". I know that is mean but I like it so much when others mess up.
Also, it has become a big deal that I'm 24 and single. Everyone has the attitude that because I'm single that I'm ugly, stupid, fat, or whatever. In case my self esteem wasn't low it is now. I always had the attitude that I just hadn't found anyone yet and that was why I was still single but after being told that I was ugly, fat, stupid, I wonder if they are right.Maybe thats why I'm single. My being single has always been a touchy issue for me because I don't really know why I can't find anyone. I want someone but the truth is that I don't know that many guys. The guy friends I do have think of me as a sister. I've always been that, the sister. But having been told that I'm ugly and so on my self esteem has pretty much been put in the trash.
I kind of feel unwanted. I get invited on a trip that I'm not really wanted on. I have my mistakes thrown in my face. As if I'm the only one that makes mistakes. And I'm 24 and single. Who keeps being told that I'm not pretty enough to find someone. So needless to say, I feel pretty bad.