My Support Forums - View Single Post - My girlfriend or my cat? Is this a choice I should even have to make???

LizzyB · Apr 12, 2009, 10:50 AM

This is not a choice you should have to make, but... read on

I am an animal lover who once had to make a choice between my boyfriend (future husband) and my beloved cat, Brodie. It was for allergy reasons, not emotional ones, however.

I feel for you. That's a hard place to be. I would say you need to realize that your girlfriend's feelings towards your cat are NOT RATIONAL. They are not at all reasonable or sane.

I now have three cats, because we found a medication that works for my husband's allergies, thank goodness. I've also got two dogs, and have fostered many animals and worked in shelters.

ANIMALS ARE NOT HUMANS, AND THEY DO NOT SHARE THE SAME EMOTIONS AS WE HAVE!!!! Yes, they do have emotions and they have incredible ways of "reading" us and our moods, just as we develop a good sense of them and their moods, too, when we know them well. But animals do not have emotions such as vengance, jealousy, resentment, or other complex things that humans feel. We interpret that animals feel these things, but they don't. They are great, but they are different.

Your girlfriend is obviously projecting some of her issues onto your cat. Your cat is the current target/scapegoat. This is unhealthy. Chances are, if you were to get rid of the cat, your girlfriend would eventually find another being on which to project her issues.

She needs a lot of help to get through these things.

However in the meantime, it might be good to find a temporary place for the cat to stay while your girlfriend works on her issues.

With my beloved cat, Brodie, who had to leave because of my future husband, I found a friend who reluctantly agreed to keep Brodie for a while until we could find a better, more permanent home for him. Guess what happened. My friend fell in love with Brodie. This was ten years ago, and she still has him. It wasn't so temporary after all! But he is happy and she is happy, and it all turned out well. I missed Brodie very much when I had to give him up, but was glad he went to a good, loving home.

Was it worth it? In other words, am I glad I essentially traded my cat for my husband? Yes, I am. My husband is great and we are very happy. So my question for you is, would you be able to say the same in a few years if you ended up with the girlfriend but without the cat? How about vice versa?

Do you have a temporary place the kitty could go while the girl works on her many issues? It might diffuse the tension and take the focus off the cat issue.

It's hard to find such a place, but you might be surprised by the results if you really look hard.

Hope this is helpful. Good luck and take care, and keep letting everybody know about what's happening! Lizzy B

A hug for you