I know things seem bleak, but don't hurt yourself. Please seek help if you are feeling this down as soon as you can. I really recommend going to the ER or something.
I understand about feeling down on holidays too. I've had so many bad ones that it's weird to appreciate the good that can happen.
But I can guarantee that you would be missed if you were gone tomorrow. I wish you all the love you deserve and understand your despair. But there are those who care, even us people you don't know here. Please get some help. It's OK to ask for it!