Thank you Sannah and Auroralso.

That poem was a hard thing to really look at. Funny thing is that I wrote it before my psychiatric hospitalization for major depression in January/February. I've know my therapist for more than 20 years and he continued to see me in the hospital. You can't get away with much after that many years.

First off this has been an on again off again topic of discussion. Usually, I become defensive and generally tell him emphatically that I have never met the criteria for anorexia. His response, "you made damn sure you had control over that." (Well, he was right).

However, in the hospital, he had a different approach. He said, the h*ll with the DSM, you are anorexic. With that I started crying and actually talking about it. Deep down, I knew I was which is why I was testing the waters here with it.

Well, since the hospital, I am now quite over weight due to medications and a health problem. I am 55 pounds over my lowest and 40 over what is comfortable to me, but I have to take the medication. It is freaking me out, my clothes don't fit and I just feel so out of control over my body. The usual way to lose weight is not working and neither is watching what I eat...it is the meds which I know are working.

I just feel bad and want to cry when I see my body. I hate it and me.