The guy she is with uses all the tools of abuse very well. All you can do is support her and challenge her when she makes those false. Sometimes its easier to be a victim than it is to accept responsibility and act.

I know I left the verbal abuse go on in my home for too long. For some reason I just accepted that nothing could fix it. It was only after I realized after I saw that my son was being hurt that I jumped into action. Maybe this is a way to get your friend to see what is happening. Help her see how it is affecting her children. Just be very gentle when you do this..cause when she realizes what she is doing it is going to hit her hard.

Also, maybe go to the local library and check out Patrica Evan's book...Verbal Abuse. Someone here recommended it to me. It was a good wake up call for me and got me moving.