I don't feel good. I don't know why. I've done absolutely nothing today except go for a walk and eat a whole tub of sorbet while I watched tv. I want to cry but I can't. I have to start classes again tomorrow and I only have to sit in lectures for a total of two hours, it shouldn't be that bad but for some reason I am absolutely DREADING it. I was going to get myself organized today but I woke up and just didn't have the motivation. I set my alarm early and everything, but when my alarm went off I just rolled over and went back to sleep. I can't be bothered to do the reading I was supposed to do this weekend, to put together yet another stupid presentation or essay, to put my mind to any of the things I'm studying since they don't matter in the long run anyways -- all I need is an undergraduate degree so I can get into the grad school I want, it doesn't even matter what I take because I want to go into creative writing so they don't really care that now I'm in French and linguistics so long as I present them with a piece of paper to say that I spent four years in school before I went to them. I have no interest in these subjects anymore -- I don't care about doing analyses of the first 30 words of the D section of the French dictionary (couldn't make this stuff up if I tried) or reading yet another novel where we will sit around and analyse the same literary concepts that we have been looking at since we all learned to read. I JUST DON'T CARE and it BOTHERS me that I don't care! Why don't I care?! I used to love this stuff! I used to BREATHE this stuff. I was so excited to get back to it a few days ago but now I would rather be doing anything but studying. It's too late for me to change my major too, so because of the way the system is set up I'm pretty much doomed to sit through two more years of this stuff before I can get to where I really want to go. How am I supposed to do this for TWO MORE YEARS?!
I just want to go to sleep and wake up at graduation.