They say the kids always know, but I didn't. Sometime after my dad died (I was 17, two months shy of 18, when he died), my mom told me my dad had cheated on her when I was 12, and was surprised that I didn't know. I was angry, and decided that I'd be able to forgive him, but I needed to be angry for that time, and let the anger run its course. I think that was the healthy way to do it.

That said, I love men, but I also have a lot of issues with men. I know not all men are cheaters, mistreat women, or whatever other stereotypes I have. But I have experienced so much of it, it's hard for me to trust men sometimes. Actually, it's hard for me to trust people, but of course, there are certain issues that come only with men, at least for me, since my romances are sought with men.

Your story from summer school reminded me of a letter I wrote to the local paper once. I got so mad when this woman wrote about how this prostitute made her husband cheat on her. I was like, What did she do, put a gun to his head? Men are just as responsible for their actions as we are for ours. Guys CHOOSE to have sex and can choose NOT to have sex. Yet, we (as a society) tend to give guys a break, the woman seduces him, it's not the guy's fault, that's just how men are. They can't help it. The Devil's Domain they can't!!!

I have a similar thing that goes on in my head...people can't get past the past, and continue to think I am the same person I was 30 years ago, or even think I'm a person they thought I was years ago (accusing me of things I didn't do, but that I couldn't prove I didn't do), so why not be what they accuse me of? It gets you tired, and you want to just give up. But then I try to remember, those people don't define me. I do. To hell with them.

But even when I try to speak positively to myself, something will happen, and I'll start insulting myself, calling myself stupid and beating up on myself verbally all over again.