I am punishing myself with activity, yes... Because I can't punish myself any other way without it being obvious, so I'm overworking myself to punish myself. I have a feeling I'm going to break my 16 days SH free when I get home... I just feel so low today. So ill, so tired, so upset and just... I don't want to carry on trying anymore, trying so hard and for what seems like nothing...

Gee, I hate this so, so much. I looked at myself in the mirror earlier and just thought... 'There's so much I could improve, change about this face, this body. I look awful' Ok, the jumpers aren't so flattering, what with them being so huge on me, but... That's to hide the weight I'm apparently losing. I AM fat and I AM disgusting and everyone hates how I look, I just know it. I'll never be this weight again, Ni hate it. It's disgusting... I've lost 10lbs already, I can lose more.. Just another... 15lbs and I can stop.. Can't I?