I know I have been posting alot but I have been having a hard time with things for a couple of weeks. And it feels better to put my feelings down on here than to talk about them to someone face to face. But that's my problem. I want to talk to my husband or my sister about my feelings on things that hve happened. But my husband came from a good home his mamaw and papaw raised him but they were good parents to him. My sister of course had the same childhood I had. Our step dad was abusive and he was aheroin addict. He was a good dad sometimes, he would take us fishing and play video games with us but he was violent most of the time and we were scared to come home sometimes from school. He sexually abused my sister. I guess when he did that he injured her so bad that she is unable to have children. He hit me so hard once toward the end of his and mammas divorce, that he made my ear bleed. That was the day I hit back. I got him in the floor and did'nt stop kicking him. My mom got scared and left accidently leaving me there alone with him. So I ran to the nieghbors and they took me to my uncles where my mom was. I wish I could talk about those things and my feelings to people irl but I have trouble even telling a psych doc. I don't remember what of it happened or what of it I was scared would happn but did'nt. I feel alone. I tried to talk to my sister about it but she shrugs it off and says things like " yeah they were unhappy times were'nt they?" but then she drops it. I want to talk o my husband about it but he does'nt understand why someone would do that to kids or why my mom did'nt just leave when it started ( i think I was 5 or 6 when it started and about 12 when she left him that day)
things I don;t know or understand myself. All of this stuff has just come about in the past 3 years when I got compleatly sober off of everthing and it was about the time I opened up to a counseler about it. I don't know mabye all that combined triggered what I have been feeling for 3 years. I don't know. I wish I could find a sweat lodge and a medicine man here where I live but i don't know of any sweat lodges out here