(((Thanks Lizzy)))

I did think about what I wanted from him. What did I want to get out of this. I wanted closure. And what I really wanted was the impossible. I wanted for it to never have happened so I don't have to have the anxiety and fear in the pit of my stomach when I am around him. I want his family to care about me and not blame me for things they don't understand. I want all my family to be loving and supportive and healthy. I want the impossible.

So given what IS, I did email him a short letter. It was kind but honest. I let him know how I was feeling and that given how things are and how little has changed in our family, it's best if we have no contact. I don't expect a response, and hope I don't get one. I haven't so far and it's been a few days. I'm okay.

If I should get any grief or negativity and nastiness from anyone, I think I am ready for it. I know what is right and true for me, what I need. I'm doing what's best for me. They may not like it, but I don't like how things are or have been for a long time either. They'll have to deal with it just like I do. I doubt most will notice or care that I'm not around. I have mostly not been around the family much for years now anyway.