Deep breath. I'm working on not taking things personally, on not over-reacting automatically. Deep breath.

I feel all embarrassed and bad, as if I've done very wrong things. Blech. I know this happens to me sometimes and I know what from my past is triggered. Blech. This too shall pass. I'm not bad, I'm not evil, I'm human, I'm okay.

My best friend who also is my neighbor upstairs, has been going through a rough time. Hadn't heard from her for a few weeks so went ahead and sent a friendly light hearted email. Her response just arrived, she sounds angry, unfriendly, and like our friendship may not continue.

Now, I know email communication can suck, and it's easy at times to read things into email words that are not there. And I know of my tendency to think I am somehow to blame for things and why I have that tendency.

The email does say she is unhealthy, her words, and that she is working closely with her case manager, good to hear. She pretty much lets me know that she doesn't want contact from me, to wait until she maybe contacts me later.

I need to remember that just because someone is not feeling well, I am not automatically somehow responsible and bad. Thinking over past conversations with her, thinking that I surely must have done something wrong, doesn't help me at all. It's best to distract myself, live and move on, wish her well, keep things simple.

Ouch. I feel somehow scolded and slapped. I feel stupid. It's just me being triggered. My friend gets to be angry if she is, she gets to have her experience, and I get to have mine.

It feels weird to possibly have a friendship just plain end like that, though of course that sometimes does happen. And it doesn't automatically mean that something is horribly wrong with me.

Sarah