((((((((((justfloating)))))))))
I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling so upset and confused atm... I often feel a lot of those things that you have described yourself. One thing that stood out for me when I read your post, is that you - and your doctors - seem to be doing a lot of labelling. It is very possible that you meet the categories for someone who is experiencing depression, but just because you have that "label" associated with you, doesn't mean that IS you. Depression is only one part of you, and there are many many MANY other parts that you can focus on.

I personally experience bouts of depression, but I have come to accept that maybe I am *technically* depressed... I don't think of myself that way. Even on my worst days when I'm feeling like crap, I try and not focus so much on the label and get down that negative thinking track of "i'm never going to get better, i'm so depressed, etc etc" and try and focus on the other things that I have CONTROL of like distractions and things.

So I think what you are struggline with - is it or is it not depression - isn't really as relevent as how you are feeling at this very moment. We don't have control over past events, or other people... so really, when you are feeling ambiguity in regards to this "diagnosis" .. maybe try and reframe it to just how you are currently experiencing things.

Hope that you're feeling better soon...
Jacq