i feel like youre describing my last relationship. i told him "its amazing how every other person in the world can get their ex to stop contacting them but you magically cant?" he always said he didn't want her and hated her but would hide texts from me and even lied to me a few times about hanging out with her.

i ended up break up with him because one day i came to his house and the photo album with all her pics and notes from her was gone. Then he told me that he had thrown out the album but took out the pics he wanted and kept them and wouldn't tell me where they were. So I left, I couldn't handle feeling like I had to fight for him anymore. but then again she would send him texts saying how much she missed him etc...

I don't know if yours is like that but ours included him hiding her from me which was, ultimately what broke us up. I'm the kind of person where, when I break up with a guy I get rid of everything. pictures, notes, love letters - everything. And he kept everything he had of her and it just ate away at me.

personally, I think it's a little unfair to you if he is with you while still having feelings for his ex. i'm not saying there is anything wrong with him, if they were together for years and it was a shock to him then it's no surprise that he's not over her.

You need to have an open discussion with him and find out if she is contacting him because he wants her to, if he actually wants to get over her or if he's just waiting for her to "come around" or what. I know it's a horrible feeling thinking that you have to dive that deep but he could be lying to himself and not even realize it. And the big thing is if he WANTS your help. My ex didn't want to admit that he still had feelings for her and didn't want to admit that he LOVED the attention she gave him. he even told me that maybe if I did more things that she did (text him saying I miss him etc) that he wouldn't talk to her anymore. So I didn't have the patience to help someone that didn't want my help. but if he admits any feelings he has and says that he wants to make an honest effort to get over her then go for it. Its just not worth sticking around if he can't even admit that something is going on. And if you notice a different in him, then chances are its real - you don't imagine changes in a person's mood y'know? so I say just talk with him - wherever the talk goes will tell you what needs to happen. (sorry for the rant)