Survivor?

My last session with my pdoc, who is my therapist, those were her parting words to me. She said, "Remember, you're a survivor" and then she said what she always says, "Call me, if you need me". Of course, I don't. Of course, I won't. I'm incredibly stoic. It takes an atomic bomb for me to me to seek help.

She meant to give me something to hang onto. A reminder of the progress I've accomplished since starting therapy over a decade ago. And indeed I have accomplished much.

I know I have physically survived, but what of the emotional snafu? What about the damage that remains? It's not like I can return to like new condition. Damaged goods - never to return to the way it was - can't argue with that.

Is this what it's like to survive? Emotional pain? Narcissistic injury? Realizing I'm in the 2 step forward, 500 steps back club? Everything hurts. Hear me? Every emotional fiber in my being hurts. I'm sick and tired of working so hard to have it all turn into tears and snot.

Survivor of what? Why?