hi, Rmlee, welcome to PC!

I'm glad that you're posting about how you're feeling. I can tell you that I've been exactly where you are. It's not a very good place to be, is it? But you can get out of that space, it's entirely possible and you're taking a step in the right direction by posting. You've come to the right place for non-judgmental support and conversation about what's going on with you. Keep posting and take care.