This week has been a tough one.

I'm not sure what to do... this week mentally I have deteriorated. More depressed than I have been in months and even these months have been no good.

I feel so stuck where I am now, with no means of escape until I get better but I need to escape TO get better.

I want to escape from what happened but everything is haunting me here. I go to the coffee shop - and old friends who I can't be around come up, act as if nothing happened, trigger me massively. So I can't get out of the apartment for fear of running into them

Nothing to do - boredom sets in. I go NUTS when bored. I need to get a job, but I can't get OUT THERE to get one.


I'm afraid to make big decision when I'm like this but I have to. One possibility is to move away from here. Set up elsewhere, but I would have to give up the ties that I hvae here with my cello - the best teacher I've ever known and I don't want to give that up. But I can't even practice right now.

I keep repeating n my mind... what do I do?what do I do?what do I do?what do I do?what do I do?what do I do?what do I do?

and money keeps dripping away and nothing's coming in



ps to all friends here, sorry I haven't been around much its been so hard