Manda
I agree with bearchic that you don't have control over your dreams and your cousins death may be having such an impact on you because your husband is a soldier also.

Your mother does not sound like she is very supportive of your feelings. Actually considering her son-in-law is also a soldier she sounds very thoughtless in her remarks. If she is just that kind of person, consider the source and don't expect or seek any support or thoughtfulness from her. If she starts asking why you never talk to her, tell her!