The shame is the worst feeling, isn't it? And it's impossible to just turn off, I know.

I'm sorry you're feeling bad. I think that although you turned to that method to cope in desperation, it's valuable that you found a way to cope. You got through. You took care of yourself in the best way you could. There's, in my mind, no shame in that.

I know it's impossible to see it that way right now, but perhaps hearing it many times from many different people will help.