Hello,

I am new to this group. I'm looking for input on my situation. I will try to give as much info and background as possible. I have been married almost 17 years to my high school boyfriend. We have 2 children. However,I have been quite unhappy and confused in my relationship for several reasons. About 9 years ago, when I was 8 months pregnant with my second child, my husband was spending alot of time on the interenet. He was the only one that used it as I had no idea how to even turn it on. He would stay up very late (2am/3am) and would tell me that he was doing work on Ebay. However, I started noticing some strange things. I found a sexual website and I saw him doing something while he thought I was asleep. (computer was in our bedroom). I started looking around the computer and I lifted up the keyboard and found a list of females screen names with comments next to each one, even a phone number. He swore on his hands and knees that it was nothing and it wouldn't happen again. However, it continued to happen over the years. Last February, I found very explicit pictures of women's body parts that he was chatting with. A Valentine card from another woman and so forth. He would turn it around on me and tell me it is just stupid stuff. But it is not silly or stupid to me, it hurts very much. I lost alot of trust in him over the years and I am fed up. I was unable to leave him because I was unable to survive on my own. I also had/have low self esteem.
However, I am trying to work on that. Even prior to the internet stuff that happened, there were other strange things that occurred. How much more am I suppose to put up with? For the past year, he also has a personal problem....erectile dysfucntion. We have not been intimate in a long time and we pretty much have no communication, never really did. I guess what I want to know is are my feelings legitimate? I feel I have been taken for granted for so long. I am trying to work on myself now and move forward. My husband doesn't like this change in me and he has become very suffocating. My life only consisted of my house and children, but now I need to work on myself. I appreciate all input.

Thank you very much!