Thank you, Muffy. You're such a nice person. You are always supportive and give so freely of yourself. I'm honored that you shared so much of your own experience on my behalf. Big hug back at you, Muff

I'm still asking the questions. The main one, I guess... as I become more aware of what needs to be "worked" on and I realize that all the "work" in the world doesn't "reverse" the effect of the abuse, wth? I just thought I'd be feeling better, not worse!

Not fair, not fair! I'm angry as heck. The trauma of abuse is so pervasive! I would not be the person I am today if it were not for it. I acknowledge there are good things as a result, but pardon me if I don't get out the pom-poms. I'm just seething (yet again), learning a new level of what could have been, but never will be.

An expression I've heard in Alcoholics Anonymous sums up my reckoning fairly well. "Once a pickle, never a cucumber again."