I have been accused to speaking with a harsh tone, even when I didn't think I was. There were times when I tried really hard to pay attention to what I say and how I say it, but some times the recieving person is going to hear what they want to hear no matter what you do. I do know that I can have a harsh tone to my voice. I have even gotten books to try to re-learn how I talk to others, specially my husband, but may of those books talk about how the other person should be responding. So the other person also has to "re-learn" how to listen for the communication to work. Some times you just have to know that your are trying to be as sincere as you can be and can't worry how the other person is recieving you.