that is the first step for breaking the addiction, L !!! .. when we recognize that it has us, not the other way around. the obsession will take us wherever it wants us to go, not where we would like to go. keep posting about this, it will help, as will replies you receive from others. you're not a bad person, you're a sick person trying to get well. we all care for you here..you are far more special than you realize right now. hang in there and kitten's suggetion was a good one. space out the time you smoke. break the cycle. know that it will "call" you but ignore it's promises of making you feel better. it is a false promise. you can become free of this yoke around your neck and be you again. i'm always here for you. i think you know that.