Hello,

Well my name is Stanley, 28 and live in northern california. This place really is a great find. Been looking for something like this. Well anyway here is what I am having issues with....

From the time when I was 10 till I was 18, several times my mom had sent me to the psychiatric hospital. Not because I was suicidal but because I had done something to make her angry. She didn't want to actually take the time to ground me and make sure I didn't go out and all. So she would send me to the hospital and let them punish me. She would just call them and tell them I was suicidal and was going to kill myself and had them put me on a 72 hold.

The first time was really hard for me because I was 10 years old and this stay was the first time I had ever been away from home. And to make matters worse it was the week of thanksgiving. I had spent a week that time. I had some problems there. For example they had everyone in the gym and I wasn't feeling up to playing basket ball. So I was taken back to the unit, what I didn't know was because I didn't want to take part I was going to be put in the solitary room. I was locked in for the time the others were out playing basket ball (about an hour or so). The room had that leather smell, a bed dead center of the room with a skylight abover the bed. You couldn't hear anything outside the room. It was very scary. I was only in there one other time besides that, but that was it. But I spent the holiday in there except for the 2 hours I was taken out to have dinner with my family and then taken back. 2 hours, that was it.

Then another visit when I was 16. I had gotten in a fight with a school bullie. But because they didn't see him start it I was blamed for fighting. I was sat in the classroom for 45 minutes. All the sudden in comes the moble psych team. The school told them I was attacking another student (Danger to others). I tried to explain to the psych team what had happened with the bullie. Apparently it wasn't a good enough reason for fighting back because in came the EMT's with a gourney with 5 point lether restraints on it. I was told either I could sit on the bed and let them put me in restraints, or the police will come and force me onto the bed and put the restraints on. I choose to lay down willingly. So I will wheeled out of the school and into the ambulance and taken to the hospital. Once there I was taken to the restraint room for a strip search, underwear too. I was extreamly uncomfortable with that to say the least. Then I was taken over to get checked in. I once again tried to explain what happened. Pointless. Then I was given my room. Not in there for more than 5 minutes when all the sudden I am rushed by 3 guys. Bent over my bed with my right arm pulled behind my back and up to my neck. All so they could take the laces off my shoes. Had they just asked I would have given them the whole darn shoe if it was to avoid that. Apparently I was on suicide watch to boot. Once they were done they just let me drop to the floor. I bearly had use of my right arm for 2 days. The rest of the stay went without incident.

Next stay I was sent there for being sent home from school, again for defending myself from the bullie. I got home made something to eat and sat down to watch music video's. All the sudden an ambulance pulls into the driveway. Gee, what could be up. She called them again saying I was suicidal. I wasn't down for being hurt again so I went out the bathroom window and ran. I was caught and brought back to the house. Soon the moble psych team arrived. Asked me why I was suicidal. I tried to tell them I wasn't. They didn't believe me. 10 minutes later I was taken out to the ambulance again. I arrived and once again tried to say what happened and how I didn't belong there. I was upset and just was looking at being alone. They had a late night relaxation group. I told them I didn't really want to go and just wanted to be in my room. That wasn't ok apparently because in comes two guys, I am taken out of the room and to the solitary restraint room. I was locked in at about 7pm and left there till 8:30am the next morning. In a room with just a matress on a metal fram bolted to the floor. No bathroom or nothing in a room that got down to about 50 degrees or so. Dark as hell room with a very little light coming through the window in the door. I spent the night in the room crying in the corner. The rest of the stay I just did whatever they wanted me to do.

She tried to have me hospitalized again when I was suspended for something I didn't do. A kid accused me of hitting him in the schools solitary room. I was grading papers for the teacher and this kid I had problems with came out of the gym. I ignored him so he went into the solitary room next to the gym and starts throwing himself against the walls yelling out for help, and for me to stop hitting him. Meanwile I am stitting there just grading papers. Down walks a staff member from the teachers patio above. The staff member opens the door to the solirary room (no handle inside, has to be pushed open from the outside). The kid walks out the room with a nose bleed. What the hell! The staff members tells me I am in big trouble. Doesn't even ask me what happened or for my side of the story. I am automatically a bad guy. So I am suspended from school for the rest of the day. My mom takes me home, calls my dad and they take me to the hospital I was at when I was 10. Tells them I was suicidal, they didn't buy it this time around. So then she tells them I am out of control and need to go to a group home. Tries to sit down and tell me how much I will like it and it will be better for me and all that. I didn't qualify for that. So she gets back in the car and takes me childrens and family services. Tells the worker I am hitting her and my brother and they are afraid for their lives. I have never hit my mom and brothers being brothers sure we fought with each other. But not to the extent of him being in fear of me. They are about to take me away when the worker tells my parents it will cost them $600.00 child support per month. Wow, then all the sudden I am not hitting her anymore and they are fine with taking me home. 6 months later the case is closed.

The theird visit was because of a HUGE misunderstanding. It was summer and boys being boys we went to the back of the apartment building and had found a wooden board. We decided to chuck knives at it. The woman upstairs told my mom I was throwing knives at my brother. My mom didn't ask me what was going on, or ask my brother. She just assumed that was what was going on and called the hospital yet again. I don't find out what's up until I get there. By this time I am pissed off to hear I am there again becuase of something that wasn't true. I call my mom and tell her what the woman told her was not what happened. She tells me "if your brother gets taken away I will never forgive you" and hangs up on me. It seems because she told the hospital the version of the story that I was throwing knives at my brother that child services is looking into it on the basis that my mom is not providing enough supervision. And apparently I am now a danger to my brother. Quickly this situation flys out of control. I hang up the phone and start walking for the ward door. (not sure what I was going to do since it was locked). This staff member walks up to me and starts asking me what's wrong. I tell him I am upset and leaving. All the sudden he grabbes me from behind, slamms me to the floor and places his knee into my spine and puts his full body weight. There is a series of cracks and then nothing but pure pain. I couldn't even describe it. I just screamed out in pain, the other staff took it as I was going off. Apparently he caused a spinal injury. I couldn't move. They carried me to the restraint room, shot me in the butt with Thorazine and put the restraints on me. I woke up the next day in my room. No memory of the time between the shot and my room. Back hurtting like hell. I tried to tell my mom what happened on the phone, she told me I was lying to get out. Then I am called to the med window. I had no idea what they wanted since I wasn't on anything. They wanted me to drink a cup of more liquid Thorazine. I said no thanks and walked away back to my room and laid down. They rushed me, dragged me back to the room, shot me in the butt again and more restraints. After that I did exactly what the wanted word for word till I got out.

At age 21 I had the chance to get away from her and I did. Didn't talk to her for close to 4 years when I moved back to California. I tried to give her another chance to be a part of my life. She blew it all to hell. Telling me crap like I eat too much, any fast food I would bring home she would look at everything and tell me how many colories it was and so on. Just knit picked about everything, pointing out all my flaws, put down any of my interests.

Finally I confronted her on several abuse incidents including all the hospital visits. She told me she didn't feel bad for any of the hospital stays or what happened to me during them. Since then I cut all contact with her, this time for good. That was a few years ago. Some have told me I am too harsh on her by cutting all contact.

If she didn't send me to those places, and for stupid stuff on top of it I wouldn't have PTSD from what happened. I am terrified of hospitals of any kind, have panic attacks when I see ambulances, the smell of leather, burned pop corn, and because of the overnight in the dark solitary room I am afraid of the dark and silence. I always have to have a radio or TV on, something that makes noise. Every day it seems I am consumed with flashbacks and no less that 3 nightmares about it every night. Consumes my life right now. I would think a sorry at least was in order. Ok punish me for fighting at school, but I didn't deserve to be put in the hospital for being suicidal when I wasn't and being abused like that. A grounding or taking something away, something like that would fit the crime. Not what she did. I don't think cutting her out of my life is too much. Any thoughts?

-Stanley