One of my friends and I were discussing our addictions and addictive personalities and how hard it is to deal with it...

When we were talking about addictions, something that popped to mind was the idea of primary vs. secondary addictions. Like the typical example which immediately comes to mind... alcohol. A person addicted to alcohol may switch addictions, to something like smoking. But sometimes a person can be addicted to more than one thing at the same time...

I'm having a hard time figuring out what my BASIC addiction is at the heart of everything. I mean, I gave up alcohol back in July. It wasn't hard. I gave up self-injury over two years ago, and that was harder. I am physiologically and psychologically addicted to caffeine, but I don't find it to be an issue since it's only present for 8 months a year (when I'm in school). lol. I've got codependent tendencies, as in I'm a BIG people pleaser. My life revolves around making others happy with me. I'm addicted to Facebook (I wish I was kidding since it's a running joke in my age population... but for me, I am addicted. So I'm locked out of it - literally - until my friend gives me the password in May). I'm addicted to being on my computer... it's a routine, but it's such an integral part of it that it's addictive. I go through withdrawal without access to a computer within 48 hours. I have control issues with stuff. I've got eating related issues ... you could say I'm addicted to controlling things. I have a major issue with control and change. I loathe change. I'm able to change if it's familiar to a degree, but the unknown and change - do not mix in my books.

I guess I'm just at the point where I realize that if I don't change - then I'm essentially doomed. But it's getting to the point where my life is completely unmanageable and I admit it to myself that's hard. I don't WANT to hit rock bottom and ruin my life in some way. That prospect scares me. I don't want to be harmed as a result of my addictions. I don't want my addictions to kill me. I guess I'm just fortunate that I stayed away from drugs and smoking and other addictive substances because if I hadn't ... I'd be in deep trouble by now.

I'm trying to figure out the root of my addictive personality. What caused it. Where it comes from, where it has originated from in my past, both life and experiences.

I think my primary addiction is to self-deprecation and to codependency.

But I'm not sure... has anyone else heard of this distinction in terms of addictions before?

I'm looking into CODA, ACOA, Al-Anon and other 12 step groups another day. I gave AA a shot and it doesn't seem right to me.