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Apr 16, 2009, 05:55 PM
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Member Since: Aug 2008
Posts: 2,938
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OK l admit it l so very very much want to go out and egt very drunk just so that l can get some peace inside me from the constant thoughts and memories. Each and every time l take a step then bam a smack in the face to make sure that l come back to that point of feeling crap.
All l want is some order some peace and quiet just why flood with all these memories why why l dont want to know no more ...................all l want is too forget just for now................but know that if l drink now l will fall know that l wont want to stop because then the whole lot will flood my gates again. Who am l to ask for peace , do l deserve it maybe not but l sure do need it
many many young days were spent sitting in a corner afarid to say things are hurting for fear of the repriasal and now people say why dont you ask for help people like you and want to help you teh answer to the question is beacuse l am scared to be seen as weak again, scared to be so exposed that one wrong word could increase this pain and hurt.
drink l know is evil for me at least, drink l know once l start l cant stop....................but when l drink...............I DONT FEEL the hurt thew memories are not there and the pain is less.
tonight l so want and need the pain to be less and l aqm hoping by posting some of the hurt here it will take away the need to pick up that drink and try to wash it all away again...............does it ever go l mean completely go  
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"never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish.... few things are more humiliating and what a tragedy when they believe you"
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