Chaotic.....I totally agree. I have also been faking it all my life...it is time to finally deal with it all and move on to a life without constant disruption from past turmoil. That is the entire point, right. I don't know if maybe that statement was meant in a different way, but the way it sounds to me is the total opposite of what needs to be done to heal. Maybe bring it up in your next session and see if there is another explanation. Best of luck to you