Hi,
Welcome to the forum, it was a good for you to take time out and stop here. First, okay you made a big mistake, but that is no reason to feel you need to turn to suicide!! Please try to talk to a therapist even if you have to go to your local hospital to get one, you may be able to talk to a social worker if a therapist is not available. You need to get professional help right now, then if possible try to get your niece, her boyfriend and whoever else was involved with this and have a long talk to try to iron this all out. If it doesn't work the next best thing is try to move away and start over, you are never too old! I am 45, I know. So please get some professional help right of way, from there you will recieve proper help and advice, do not delay!! AND DON'T think of suicide, you have many good years left to live, many of mysteries lie before you, I've been there and choosing to go on was a better choice. Keep in touch with us here, let us know how things go.
"darkeyes"