I'm failing my friend.. She's on the edge and she's going to OD again... I know that she'll end up killing herself.. I'm failing my bf by thinking like this, by being so close to OD'ing, by eating as little as I possibly can to lose weight. By just... Being such a d*ckhead.

I have no-one I can talk to about all of this IRL. I'm not safe, I'm really not safe and if I had someone IRL to talk to, I don't even know if I could talk to them. I just want to give up because I'm evil. I'm the worst person in the World. People tell me I'm the most amazing person they've ever met because I help and care about so many people, but I'm not amazing. I ruin people's lives when I'm like this.

Sigh. I can't help myself, let alone anyone else. I'm such a big, fat, ugly, disgusting failure..

I have a dr, but no therapist. It's a new dr though so I don't trust her...

I give up now. I just give up trying.