I've been like this for the whole of my 17 years of living... I thought I was happy, but I've been anxious, shy, depressed, had an ED most of my life. I had the ED since I was about 10. I was always a small eater... I always felt fat and knew what calories were since the age of 7.

If I don't deserve it, though... Why does it just keep happening to me? I don't understand.. What is it about me that people just want to hurt me so much, all the time? It makes me feel like utter s**t and I hate it and I don't want to live this life anymore...

There is no-one to stand up to my depression now... If my Foster Dad were still here, none of this ever would've happened. he made me feel like the most wonderful, beautiful, special person in the world.. Now I feel like that was all a lie and I'm the complete opposite of that. Everything.everyone that cared about and loved me and that I cared about and loved has gone and now I have nothing to live for. Everyone just hates me. No matter where I go the people there hate me.

Amd I'm sick of being hated and not belonging anywhere. I have to get away from it. But there's only one way to do that.