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eskielover · Apr 17, 2009, 06:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by candybear

Part of why I'm afraid to speak up is because (as more than a few here could tell you, sad to say) I often am not the world's most diplomatic soul

and I'd rather shut up than risk making the situation worse by getting myself verbally abused AND insulting the other person.

(((((((Candybear)))))))))),

I can definitely relate to this......I know that was why I was afraid to say anything when I was younger.....I was afraid that I would either say something out of anger or frustration in a way that would make the situation worse, or I would embarrass myself by saying something stupid or that didn't make any sense......or I would be shaking so bad, I would forget what I was trying to say right in the middle of what I was saying......so I wouldn't say anything & then after the fact, I would play through it in my mind & figure out what I should have said or what I really wanted to say that would have gotten my point across without creating bad feelings.

So years later.......I have finally figured out better how to say what it is that I want to say without hurting peoples feelings most of the time. The times now that I do hurt feelings is usually because I mean to.....because I have been pushed too far & it's about time they know it's not ok anymore.

The people I always admired were the ones who said what they needed to say in a very diplomatic way without sounding trite or condescending & yet got their point across......receiving respect while respecting others......that has always been my goal to learn the art of handling the situations I am in with the control of the conversation always in mind.....not to hurt, but to get my point across. The side effect is sometimes now, I end up more respected for having spoken up & made sure that the right thinking did not fall by the wayside because of people who shouldn't have their thoughts controlling everything.

I know until I felt able to handle my opinions in that way, I also kept quiet.......but they were inside bursting to come out & I was always feeling so frustrated by keeping silent & finding that the bad kept winning.........so I definitely knew I had to find the solution that worked for me.

I agree with you however....if I only make things worse, then it is wise to keep silent.......wisdom in the situation is what we should go with.

Debbie