Hi Marie,

I think you can get close to where you used to be before the ED took off. But you will never forget what your going through now so you can't go back to where you were. At least thats the way It is for me . It changes you inwardly where it used to be outwardly.

The needing to be a size smaller . There was a buffer zone I tired to get for myself . Kinda like this is good but I could use a few pounds less to cover for any wieght gain I might have . Like a savinga account or insurance against getting heavy .

I think thats behind feeling good seeing the numbers go down instead of up. And its a kind of accomplishment .

Ktgirl . I just feel like Hugging you. I think your T is right and as much as I don't want it to be true for you. I still want to turn to food when I get scared or worried my boundries will get moved in on . Sometimes I have just random fear. I believe this comes from trauma.

Its a way to avaoid feelings and sometimes it becomes an excuse for not having to do things.

At Times the thought has gone through my head Il just stop eating . Thats usually a sign Im feeling pretty angry /hurt or helpless.


Only I don;t have the fortitude to go through with not eating. I was never very good at it. I coudn't last more than two days.



Patricia