My husband really wants baby. I really want baby. I've taken about a million online quizzes concerning "Are you ready", and they all say yes. We are financially secure, relationship is good, we are very responsible, ect ect. But none of the quizzes really touch on emotional well being. Somedays I think it will be fine and at other times I wonder if I'm emotionally stable enough. Currently I am on meds for OCD and Panic Disorder (both have been well managed since I began Zoloft a few years back), but I still sometimes find myself in a funk. This last one was caused because I went without seeing a T for too long (over two months when normal for me is once a week), but it made me start engaging in destructive behaviors (quit eating, OD'd (mildly but still dangerous) o purpose, trying to find meds that would interact poorly). I don't know why, but my inability to get myself to be honest with my husband about how badly I was doing (fear of hurting him emotionally) makes me question whether I should even be thinking of having a child. I can't help thinking of having a baby though.... women wired crazy.
Any thoughts.... advice.... experiences? I know there isn't an exact science to this, like mathematically calculating when you will be a good mother.... but sometimes I sure wish there was. I questioned my emotional stability before getting married and felt the same was as now, but I'm glad I chose to get married anyway (is anyone ever fully prepared for marriage: my logic), does this mean having a baby is the right choice too?

Why does this have to be so complicated?