Quote:
Originally Posted by chaotic13
I think because of my childhood, I don't fully connect (securely attach??) with people. In past relationships when guys started showing signs of being jealous, asking questions about where I'm going, expecting me to do things, I've felt smothed, controlled, not-free. The love twitch flipped off and I took off.
Now I am trying to work through the disconnect and get the electricity flowing again. It simply isn't working.
Sorry for presenting my life's history. You all have said some things that have me trying to put together why I am still struggling..even though my H has made some good changes. I know at this point the problem is me.
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Hi Chaotic,
Im so glad you shared. so much here in what you shared. the simple statement of "fake it till you make it" is so trite to the struggles your describing.
I use it for behaviors mostly . It is used inconjunction with act and the mind will follow kind of notion. like if you smile you may start to feel happy .
If someone found my drawings and confronted me I'd feel a bit violated and in shock. You had shared along time ago about boundrie violations with having your husband disussing your poblems with others.
This may open that door again and reinjure and bring up resentment. resentment for me is the number one block to loving emotionally and physically . it just extinguishes the love that was there because I have little tolerance because of having had so much crap flung and just bieng used by men and not loved .
Sex comes second . Respect, love, honor and obey in other things comes first.
Where the "fake it till I make it" and "act as if " comes into play for me is when I let my resentments keep the wall up.
so its this back and forth. I have to work on what I did everyday in my home.
that I need to protect yet I want you . how confusing . I creep out and then if i get a whiff I bring out the gloves.
That your committed says a lot about you. and it also says you know there is something worth fighting for between you and your husband.
This Ain't easy . letting go of what workes for us for so long.
. its really difficult. So thats where praying for willingness comes in.
Your road may be much harder to over come than your husbands.
And as far as emotions feeling and expressing them are concerned.
we women know men tend to express sexually because they are not well versed in other ways . like crying for example. Very good at anger.
so your probably on equal footing.
Patricia