((((((((((((((((((((((((ThePainNeverDies))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Oh, my friend, you are in such a painful, scary place. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, but PLEASE DO NOT GIVE UP!!!!!

Have you considered calling a suicide hotline? They're not miracle workers, but the folks on the other end do try to help as very best they can, and sometimes it's a relief to just pour your heart out to a real, live human being. The number is 1-800-784-2433 and they're on call 24/7 if I remember correctly.

I play guitar myself. Could you post a youtube link to your videos? I want to hear your songs.

If you can... and if you're willing, though I know it's really scary... maybe admit yourself to a hospital? You said you weren't safe, so perhaps being in a place where you can JUST focus on YOU for a while will help? I know it basically saved my life after I attempted to OD.

Also--please get rid of the drugs. Really. If you get rid of the drugs you are thinking of OD'ing on, you can't OD (flushing them is kind of empowering!). I don't know if you need them for something else, but if not, please, PLEASE get rid of them.

Stay safe, stay you, and be nice to yourself!!! We're all here if you need us.

~muse