[rartemis]

I hope this is the right place to post this.

I have dealt with obsessive thought for many years. It is one of the reasons for the addiction. Self medication to stop my mind from spinning. For the most part they are under control. Accept for the past few months.

I don't know what to do because I know I can't do anything about the situation I am in and the thoughts only hurt my brain (almost literally).

I can give more details in later posts.

Thank you in advance

[Perna]

Robyn, have you tried a doctor and medication for your obsessive thought(s); a doctor's medication might work better than self medication can.

I don't know why you cannot either change the situation you are in or your view of it and how you can know that long-term, as all things in life change over time.

[rartemis]

I don't self - medicate anymore. I have been perscribed the generic of Prozac. I still see my addiction therapist once in a while, but only when she has a cancellation. She isn't really suppose to be seeing me at all anymore.

I don't fit into trauma therapy because I don't have all the symptoms of PTSD anymore. My doctor gave a referral to the Out-Patient Psych Dept of the hospital. Where my therapist works they also run groups for mental health. I know nothing of that side of the agency though.

I really don't like groups because I deal with alot of anxiety when I am in them. At this point I want an assessment and hope I can get more support. My own GP is good, but he gave me a year's perscription for Prozac that is to be refilled in Sept. There isn't much follow-up with him.

I haven't dated anyone since I have been in recovery. I started to get to know a person who moved into my apartement building in Febuary. Basically just friends, things started to go haywire for me in April as I fell for him. He really isn't in my life anymore, but he is in the apartment building.

The other day his new old girlfriend sought me out to say hi. We ended up going for coffee - and the story goes on.

I know what I am going through are only thoughts, I know that. But there is a pressure in my head and I would just like things to go back to normal so the same thought/theme doesn't repeating itself.

It has been quite bad and getting worse since May. Usually I can stop then with the techniques I have been taught. Isn't working this time. The thoughts bring on the anxiety and depression. I do crave to use more these days too, but I don't want to screw my life up over this.

Thanks for the ear

A therapist could help you sort your thoughts.

[rartemis]

I don't have a proper one at this moment, though she does fit me in when she can. I am working on the therapist thing I am on long term disability so paying for one is not really an option I can afford.

Perhaps you might get help with a therapist here: http://www.health.gov.bc.ca/mhd/infoline.html

[rartemis]

Thanks.

I actually had a phone chat today with my addiction therapist. She'll put me on the cancellation list.

Her advice was to let it be ok that I am not feeling ok, instead of fighting it.

[Hopeful78]

QUOTE (I know what I am going through are only thoughts, I know that. But there is a pressure in my head and I would just like things to go back to normal so the same thought/theme doesn't repeating itself.)

rartemis, I know about the pressure of obssessive thoughts. They are truly painful, and sometimes you feel as if you'll do anything to escape in that one specific moment.

If you'd like to message me privately, I'd be happy to talk more about this. I'm trying to escape obssesive thoughts as well.

[rartemis]

Hopeful - Just read your post thank you. May do that. I am feeling alot better.

[Ellen Grace]

Thanks for sharing your heart and allowing us to bubble up our truth "back at ya'."

I cannot remember a time when I didn't have obsessive thoughts: It had become my normal since age four. I thought it appropriate to "survival," given my crappy upbringing.
An unhappy marriage followed, so I spent years gathering recovery "tools" and tried to manage my repetitive brain without medication. Counselors helped some, but talking more and more seemed to trigger more obsessive thoughts.
Then I had a breakdown in 2009. Chronic PTSD from the past revisiting due to my age (in my 60s--brain chemistry changes). More testing revealed I also have OCD. What a shock since I don't count, wash my hands compulsively, etc. I had another type. Never dreamed there were so many variety of compulsions from OCD.
After hearing the therapist actually say the words--OCD--I didn't want to try on my own anymore. I was tired. I had done cognitive therapy, rapid eye movement, hypnosis and was worn out, hooray! I wish I had made medication my FIRST step. However, I dreaded the body adjustments I knew would come (my anxiety, of course, directed that worry). Nor did I believe in "magic pills."
Two hours after swallowing one Celexa, something in my head changed. I'll swear, it was like the engine on my racing brain car suddenly kicked down to a purrrr. I thought, "Man, if this is what taking meds is like, bring 'em on"!
I slept through the night for the first time in years. And have continued to sleep well. As a result my stress related exema cleared up immediately (deep sleep = deep tissue healing by the immune system). I've been on generic Celexa for 8 months and would NEVER be off medication again.
Because of the PTSD, I have a 50-70% chance of early dementia with traumatic flashbacks. (Gee, thanks Mom and Dad.) My psychiatrist has assured me she will do everything she can to medicate me so I won't have to "relive" the abusive childhood.
My mind doesn't obsess non-stop anymore, but I still have a deep level of concentration. I am writing a book, which has been a great outlet for the intensity my brain has gotten used to. Only this type of productive thinking is not stressful.
I am also beginning DBT tomorrow, since my insurance covers it and am ready to do some more cognitive work to help me relate better with my adult kids who had to live through my undiagnosed days. Also, my husband and I now have a very happy marriage.
I live out loud with my mental condition. No hiding my past, present, or future anymore. I am who I am. And have a wonderful life ahead of me because I reached for the right type of help because my body made me. That's why I now listen all the more to the "wisdom of my body and inner thoughts." I marvel at brain chemistry and what a friend my body is to me when I pay attention.
My anxiety level is managed now, so "it" is no longer making my decisions. Like the doctor said, "There is a whole community who can help, so let us." As we "claim our place, we get "well."
I hope my words have brought you hope in the journey. E.G.

[rartemis]

Thank you so much for your post Ellen Grace.

For the most part, I can handle my thought processes and feelings quite well these days. I ran into a situation which clearly can trigger an episode. Its what I am working with now so I can try not having the same thing happen in the same types of situations.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

((((((((rartemis))))))))

How are you doing right now? Just wanted to pop in and let you know I'm thinking of you and hoping that you are at least a little bit,

((((hugs))))

Rhiannon

[rartemis]

I am doing so much better Rhiannonsmoon. It may happen again, but for now everything is Kosher again. Working on getting my motivation and focus back. I have been all over the place in the past couple of months. Time to put a bit of order back into my life.

Thanks to everyone.

rartemis, I wish you the best.

[rartemis]

Thank you kindly.