[justaSeeker]

I'm bipolar.
I'm finding myself using drugs about once a month for a 2 to 4 or 5 day period
Then it's back to the regular roller-coaster ride of being bipolar.

I definitely go into hypomanic mode while using. But those who suffer with bipolar know the drill on being manic, it is much more preferable than being so damn depressed.

I'm afraid if I were to seek treatment again for my bipolar that they would ascribe my manic moments to the drugs.

Which, admittedly would be true, but only partially. I do have manic episodes at times when drugs aren't involved. It's only recently that i've taken to using drugs, because i prefer the mania to the depression. Drugs are an artificial way to get to my manic mode.
__________________
"It may look easy
When you look at me
But it took years of effort
To become the mess that you see"
~John Fogerty

[sugahorse1]

I take too many sleeping tabs to deal with the depressive phases. I just try to sleep through them to make the time pass quicker. I've never really tried recreational drugs, and I don't think I will. But I do quite happily self-medicate, and over-medicate, with my prescription drugs.
I really can empathise with just wanting to break free from the sadness and depression
(((HUGS)))

Is there a question here?

[W2BTN]

i used to do similar, when i first started havin manic episodes i had no idea that i was bipolar and that they were manic episodes and i started taking morphine to try and contrrol them, like when my sister was in hospital i took a huge dose before visiting so i could be happy and make her laugh ratherr than let her feel how seriously ill she was and how much it affected the family, it seemed like a really good idea at the time but after a while i started to get quite addicted and couldt go more than a couple of days without finding an excuse to either take morphine or smoke a joint or have a lot to drink, basically the mesage in here is please be careful, it feels unbeleivably good to get out of the depression but its far too easy for it all to go too far.

[DePressMe]

justaSeeker, W2BTN is right about being careful with the drugs. For me, being bipolar is difficult to manage. Adding being an addict to the mix makes it even more difficult to manage. Do you feel like you are able to quit the drugs?

[kriya6]

I am bipolar, and an addict. I totally understand how usig can get that mania going- sometims I'll use it as an excuse to use- I can clean the entire house top to bottom by gettng high on opiates. My mania isn't a "happy" mania though- it's wrought with intense anxeity and panic. I can totally relate to your fear of going back to the dr, too. They are very judgemetal when it comes to addicts, I've even had every diagnosis ever given to me REMOVED by my last dr, he claimed that I was simply a drug addict, that all of my symptoms were drug induced. This is silly, of course, as I've had problems with clinical depression and panic attacks since I was a little little girl, like pre-school and all the way through grade school. back then they kept trying to find a physical explanation for the panic symptoms, did endless GI tests, etc, never once did they consider that it might be psych related. I have had 2 good shrinks, but they both left the clinic I go to because the place is a joke. Both of them treated me like a person, with respect, and actually listened to me and expressed concern for my symptoms- even when i was being truthful about my usage. I was finally prescribed an awesome combination of zoloft, ,lithium, and klonopin, which worked for a couple years. Then I had a crappy roomate that stole the klonopin right after I got it filled. (Which btw, I aactually didn't abuse, maybe I'd take an xtra one or two the first day I picked up the script, but generally I didnt even take it every day, only when the anxiety was unbearable) SO- I went to the length of callin the police, making a report, etc, but the dr told me I had to wait till my next appointment to getmore of them. A month later, a very miserable month I might add, he informed me that he was not going to prescribe it anymore, that I needed to deal with it all on my own. Well, I delt with it by drinking, not realizing that alcohol worked on the same receptors, so I became totally addicted the booze. Plus, the therapist that I was seeing, which was one that I was really confident in, stopped seeing me because during that month, I missed a couple appointments because I was sick (DTing). Oh- The dr I had before that one had been prescrbing me suboxone, and when he left, didn't set up anything to continue that so I also was kicking that at the same time that the klonopins got stolen. I am at a loss now, I don't know what to do since they just don't believe anything I say anymore because of that damn "drug seeker" lable. Bu, I wanted to just write this because I know what it's like- the temptation to self-medicate is always there, and when they (dr's) don't believe you, and think you jsust want to get high, it only compounds the problem.
Brandi

[J.O.M.]

Self medicating leading to addiction...is a vicious cycle...The upshot of the drugs and the subsequent addiction is that they symptoms which lead to the self medicating worsen drastically.

Sad fact is that Doctors don't understand illness/addiction they lean toward the diagnosis of drug seeker rather than seek the underlying issues which contributed to the addiction in the first place.

Seeking out the proper facility to be diagnosed is as important as being properly diagnosed, many of the treatment facilities for drug addiction have accepted that both the underlying issues have to be treated alongside the addiction issues,often at the same time.

The simple fact is both conditions are treatable, one can be treated for maintenance and the other for a continuing recovery.

I thoroughly understand that funding is often a problem, most treatment facilities have sliding scale fees and even some donated space available.

I know the admin would prefer no links in these threads, but it would be easiest for anyone seeking such a facility to find one themselves via the website I am about to present.

SAMHSA Substance Abuse & Mental Health Services Adminstration
http://www.samhsa.gov/

There are locators for most substance abuse and mental health issues with distances from a specified location, phone numbers, scale fees etc.

I apologize for the link, but feel this one particular one may be a service for many.

[madisgram]

i experimented with self-medication and it only brought me more problems. that is just me, but it could lead you down the same slippery slope i went down. now on meds for my depression/mania and 20 years clean and sober. for me it was the "easier, softer way"/solution.
you might want to consider this option too.