Of course I lose connection when I need to talk. I was saying before, I'm scared I'm going to relapse. It's been 30 something days since I've done Methadone and the worst physical withdrawals are over. I do think it is still in me though because, well it's hard to explain. It's like it is coming out of my hair and skin. I was on it for a long time and I know it takes a while for something like that to get out of your body but this is just crazy. I had a bad day today, I wanted...just had bad thoughts. I don't want to be addicted to it again but it feels like I'm just biding my time until I can do it again. I catch myself wondering if it's been long enough that I can do some again. I messed up before, I went through 2 weeks of withdrawal and thought it was out of my system and then did 40mgs. I had to start all over from day 1. I cried for 2 days, I don't want to go through that again. But I can't get these thoughts out of my head. I don't want to live that life again, I can't live that life again. I just want to be well, for me and for my family. I love them so much.

[madisgram]

still hopeful, have you tried a 12 step program to help you? i found it was a splendid support system for me!!! hope you will give it a go. many of us have benefitted from them.
what say you on this thought?