[splitimage]

I had a meeting with my addictions Dr. today. It was not the most inspiring conversation I've ever had. She was very congratulatory on my new job, but asked what I was going to do to keep my recovery going. Fair enough, I told her I was going to 3 AA meetings a week, talking to my sponsor regularly, and had arranged with the new job to take Tues. mornings off so that I could continue with aftercare. Then I broke the news that I would have to stop going to the hospital daily to take my antabuse under supervision. This did not fill her with joy. And given my track record with relapses, she has justification to be worried. So she kept throwing out options for how I could keep getting it supervised.

1. Suggestion one - take it in front of someone I trusted at each AA meeting since they're spread out through the week. number one there's no one I'd be comfortable asking and number two half the people I know who know I'm on it are opposed to me taking it anyway.

2. My personal favourite, arrange with my new job to go to occupational health everyday and have it supervised by a nurse there. Like that is so not going to happen.

3. Get my landlady to watch me take it. I told her there was no way I wanted Eileen any more involved in my life than she already is. Eileen's nosy enough.

So we finally got to the fact that she's just going to have to rely on me to continue taking it on my own, other than on Tuesdays when I'll take it supervised when I'm in for group.

She then summed things up by telling me, "whatever you do don't go into work drunk, call in sick, call us and then get in here ASAP." like it's a forgone conclusion that I'm going to relapse.

I get her concern totally, and to be honest I'm a little scared myself. But I'm working AA harder than I ever have before, and I have more IRL support than ever before, and I have a heck of a lot to loose, so I have a lot of motivation to stay sober.

Just felt kind of discouraging to hear her being so blunt about her concern for me.

--splitimage

[NuckingFutz]

It's not a matter of if she feels comfortable on how you choose to handle taking the antibuse, question should be, do you feel comfortable, can you trust yourself, are you at that step yet where you can try it and if it doesn't work, come back and try something else. Lot of this is trial and error, it's how we find out if what we decide works.

Let me know what you think.

[Leed]

Hi -- It sounds to me like you feel pretty darn confident this time, and are determined to make it. I pray that is so --- you might not have another recovery in you. I know if *I* go back out drinking, I will NOT have another recovery in ME. I'll just up and die. There's no doubt in my mind. I could not go thru another recovery.

When we think of all we have to lose, it DOES make us think, doesn't it ! I'm not willing to sacrifice all that for a drunk.

I'm glad you're into recovery! Good for you. We'll walk the path with you. Take care and God bless. Hugs, Lee

[splitimage]

I'm a bit torn, on the one hand I'd like to drink, but I know I have too much to loose if I take the chance and being active in AA is really helping too.

AS far as staying on the Antabuse on my own goes - I don't really trust myself 100% as i have a lousy trackrecord of staying on it. I had one of my treatment groups at the hospital today, and I was saying that I was nervous about stopping taking it supervised, and the nurse running the group had a good suggestion. She suggested that I simply call in to one of the nurses every morning, to say I've taken my Antabuse. She acknowledged that I could still lie and go off of it, but I don't think I would. I don't like lieing and I've made a commitment to myself to be as honest as possible going forward. She said that they have one client who can't physically come it to take it, who calls in every day. I kind of like the idea, as it would still provide me with some accountability, until I get some more sober time and feel more secure in being able to resist the urge to drink.

Splitimage

[Leed]

Isn't being active in AA enough? I went to meetings every single day. That really helped me. Of course I'd have to go to neighboring towns to do it, but it was worth it. I did more than 90 meetings in 90 days. Plus I did service work. I went with other members of my home group into Juvenile homes and took the AA program in there -- and I went into prisons to take the program in. That was SO rewarding that I did the prison-gig for 4-5 years. They couldn't have a meeting unless AA came.

Just a couple of thoughts on keeping busy. I didn't have time to think about drinking cause I worked too besides doing the service work. Best of luck -- and I know you can do this. Just take it one minute at a time -- a day is too long. God bless. Hugs, Lee

[racee]

sometimes it's not i went aa/na 3 times a day was very active in it's involvement secretary quite a few times yet i still relapsed and was going to meetings high...i wasn't done. were all different and need different things this last time i didn't have any support didn't go to any meetings and it's been a long time and still sober. i know what i needed to stay sober, it was my 6th hoorah, and pretty much have the tools i need. i know how and what i need to do to stay sober and it isn't the right for anyone to judge how i go about it. people in AA are/can be very narrowminded and both groups are stubburn we all are hard headed. we need outside sources to help us with our recovery wether it be yoga, exersize, beading, knitting, or antibuse, my girlfriend is in FA she is 66 years old and calls someone everymorning and tell them what she is going to eat for the day and what she ate the day before and thats the only way she can stay on track.

i love helping people don't get me wrong but day after day hearing about people talk about drugs and alcohol makes me reminess and want to go out and use, but people that are not in recovery just talking to them makes me feel better. i am not dowing programs don't get me wrong i can go without Hate posts for posting this...it's just my own journey in recovery. and i think calling someone everymorning is a wonderful idea to be held accountable till you feel like you are ready to be held accountable to yourself...and if you never get to that point than you don't no biggie, it feels good letting someone know you did good that day...you could even after awhile start to just text someone <taking meds now>
i dunno i'm probably of no help.

[Dark_Dreams]

I like the idea of calling when you take it. Not only is there a level of accountability but it also helps you maintain some connection with someone who knows what you are going through on a daily basis.

Sure you can lie but in the end if you choose to lie, someone will find out and make things a gazillion times worse and as committed as you are to recovery right now, I can't see that happening.

[splitimage]

Thanks everyone. While I find AA extremely helpful, I like the security net that being on meds gives me. In addition to Antabuse, I also take Naltrexone to help with cravings.

I'm going to talk to the nurse, who I usually see for the Antabuse, about calling her every day tomorrow when I'm in for aftercare. I think it would be a good compromise measure, that would leave me feeling a little more secure.

--splitimage