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stupidusername
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Unhappy Jan 30, 2012 at 01:53 PM
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Background- My husband and I have been married 7 years and have 3 kids. Early on we abused oxy and alcohol almost daily for 2+ years, then our supply went away (we were given it free, we've never bought it). Also no snorting or shooting, just swallowed it down....not that that really matters but just FYI. We still drink daily, usually 3 beers or glasses of wine a night on weeknights and more on weekends. We have gotten the occasional bottle of vic's once or twice a year also but not daily and not oxy's. My husband is a driver, a while back the woman that loaded his truck would offer him adderral, morphine, oxy's, etc- DAILY. She stopped loading his truck for a year or so but is now back on. I have changed my tune about the pills, the thought of doing them makes me feel gross I don't know how I ever did it. My husband STILL asks me multiple times a week if he can have one or if I would like for him to bring some home...NO! When I say no he always has some comment like "when did you get all high and mighty?".Not to mention the fact that he could lose his job and he is the sole provider of 5! He makes good money, we have a home, cars, etc and that would all be gone if he got caught or had a dirty UA.
I have tried several times throughout our marriage to quit drinking, this has been extremely difficult for me. EVERY NIGHT that I wouldn't drink he would encourage me to just have one, even after i begged him to not bring it up. "One isn't bad" he would say to me "just slow down, you don't have to quit", Actually I DO!!!! But he has never supported me. It's hard enough trying to get through those tough moments and to have someone trying to talk you into it makes it that much harder.
He has anger issues (never physically abusive) and is lame to be around. The kids are starting to comment on his constantly being a jerk and his mood swings. I feel like I have to be a buffer between him and them. I have lost respect for him and don't even really enjoy his company. I want a divorce but am so afraid of hurting the kids and not being able to do it financially. I just don't know what to do and needed to vent. I need advice, I'm so confused...
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Default Jan 30, 2012 at 10:54 PM
  #2
You're in a really tough spot. Nothing like stating the obvious. Is there any chance you could get assistance? Is there any chance you could turn to a woman's shelter where they deal with recovering women from drugs and alcohol who have children? What about a councelor, therapist, minister, priest, or other help that you might check with for support?

I know that I couldn't get sober/clean as long as I stayed with someone who was regularly pushing me toward using. It was very very hard to do. Some people can do it.

Have you considered trying AA or NA? Those are free resources who would give you people who you could call on for support to get you through the day and the temptations. they can usually be found in the phone book. or online.

I wish you the best. Good luck you are giving it your best I applaud your efforts.

Hurrah for you!!!!!

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In the journey we learn and grow. The destination shows us how very far we have come and how far we have yet to go.
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Thanks for this!
RaggedyAnn67
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Default Jan 31, 2012 at 01:30 PM
  #3
Very tough situation. It sounds like your realizing that a change is needed for you. GOOD for you!
Now, be prepared mentally. It is rather hard work getting sober alone, and you are goiong to have to make some tough decisions about your home situation as well.
My suggestions:
1) Be honest & talk to your husband. However, you may need to write down what you want to discuss with him first. Think about what you truly want out of the relationship. Share this with him. How can he support you in your efforts? Explain how you see him supporting you. However, if he responds unsupportively (as you mentioned him trying to talk you into a drink), be ready to set boundaries with him. Think about what you will/can do if he won't support you and let him know these boundaries! Most of all, set boundaries that are achievable for you and FOLLOW through with them.
2) RapidFlyer has some very wonderful suggestions. AA or NA meetings are a great place to go to talk and get advice. Plus, you may be surprised out how many people there have similar stories, and it is always great to know that you are not alone.
As for the other suggestions RapidFlyer made (shelters, state/federal assistance, outpatient facilities, subsidized apts, etc) these are possible solutions for you especially when setting up those boundaries with your husband. I would also suggest you look into them. There should be a local crisis line that you could find on the web to call or a local community resource center that you could call to find out what help there is in your area and who to go to for it. (in my area we have a 211 number that provides resources too incase you have that in your area too)
3) I would also recommend attending an Alanon meeting as well since your husband has a problem drinking & with drugs. There you will find more support about how to interact with him as well.

These meetings (AA or NA and Alanon) are so helpful, and I would recommend getting their as soon as possible. You can look up times and locations online.

Wishing you the best. Keep in touch here too.
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