[joseph_anthony]

For a few years from around 2009 until about 2011 I consistently used percocet day in day out. I used it when I would go to work because it made me a more affective salesman and plus being on it made the time go by faster and my boss liked my increased performance stats. I used it before I went out with my friends because it made me a more fun person, easy going and energized, without any reserves. I used it before class because it made it easier to sit there and watch my professor lecture and take notes. I soon became even worse when I was unable to get more pills when I ran and and when I was sober I was the most ornery person you knew. I was only abusing the 10's, a few at a time, and then the blues when my friend gave me one. It was so perfect, but I knew I was building up a tolerance, so I'd cut back on usage for a couple days at a time and then go back after and feel awesome again.

Aside from trying to sleep and piss, it allowed me to unlock the person I wish I was day in and day out.

After getting a nasty UTI coupled with my usual extreme dryness from the percocet I ended up forcing myself to stop using them, but I couldn't really stop until I was no longer friends with my friend who used to hook me up with them... needless to say he is an ex dope addict now and in his second stint in rehab.

I am so thankful that I have been able to separate myself from my consistent usage, however I would be lying if I said I didn't think about using again from time to time. I bet I could find someone that has them too. I miss percocet so much... they are the perfect drug that I sometimes have dreams about, but I have seen first hand what it can grow into. I just wish I could use it again.. It is perfect.

That is what scares me.

[roads]

You couldn't sleep or pee easily while you were on Percocet? That doesn't sound like much fun. How old are you?

I'm 66 and was addicted to cigarettes for 20 yrs or so, alcohol for another 20. Even during the time before they affected my health, I can't say being dependent was any part of my enjoying them.

After getting a nasty UTI coupled with my usual extreme dryness from the percocet I ended up forcing myself to stop using them, but I couldn't really stop until I was no longer friends with my friend who used to hook me up with them.

It doesn't sound as if you just quit, either. You had health problems, because of your use. The real reason you quit is that your supply line was cut, although you say that you're "so thankful that I have been able to separate myself from my consistent usage."

Then go on ... "I just wish I could use it again.. It is perfect."

Please face the fact that you never stopped using ... your supply was cut off. There is NOTHING good about addiction ... There is no perfect drug.

I'm not sure why you're posting this. To convince yourself to find someone with a supply? If you're clean now, thank what gods there be ... and find something to do with your time.

You are lucky lucky lucky to be off Percocet, a horribly addictive perscriptive med. You are so lucky!! Join a support group, that way you'll have some constant up-close reminders of what the addicted life is like. You got off easy the first time, but you don't get a guarantee it'll always be that way.

Roadie

[noneedtoknow]

Hey JA-just a little word of caution-sounds like you are romantisizing the drug-that's a scary place to be. I was told to think through what that next drug/drink will do to me-follow it to the end. Yup, aint so glamourous. The other thing is the wish for the ease and comfort you thought you got from the drug. That will come the more you practice just "being in your skin" and learning how to handle those situations without the drug. It takes time. Look at that and what can you do to make it better? Maybe I'm wac, but just wanted to put in my two cents. Good luck to you.

[joseph_anthony]

Originally Posted by Roadie

You couldn't sleep or pee easily while you were on Percocet? That doesn't sound like much fun. How old are you?

I'm 66 and was addicted to cigarettes for 20 yrs or so, alcohol for another 20. Even during the time before they affected my health, I can't say being dependent was any part of my enjoying them.

It doesn't sound as if you just quit, either. You had health problems, because of your use. The real reason you quit is that your supply line was cut, although you say that you're "so thankful that I have been able to separate myself from my consistent usage."

Then go on ... "I just wish I could use it again.. It is perfect."

Please face the fact that you never stopped using ... your supply was cut off. There is NOTHING good about addiction ... There is no perfect drug.

I'm not sure why you're posting this. To convince yourself to find someone with a supply? If you're clean now, thank what gods there be ... and find something to do with your time.

You are lucky lucky lucky to be off Percocet, a horribly addictive perscriptive med. You are so lucky!! Join a support group, that way you'll have some constant up-close reminders of what the addicted life is like. You got off easy the first time, but you don't get a guarantee it'll always be that way.

Roadie

I am 22 years old

Let me rephrase a certain part, I posted this to state my issue, which was the thought of returning, and to get feedback based on that issue.

Secondly, I got rid of the "friend" because I consciously knew what I was doing was wrong for me, and if I didn't take a decisive stand sooner rather than later it would have become even more difficult, unfriending that person was the best way.

To be more concise, yet metaphorical, the past calls to me.

Roadie, I want to thank you for being as blunt as you were in your post, because I know that now that I am not only very lucky, but that I also need to make a conscious effort to change my thinking as well. I absolutely DO NOT under any circumstances want to allow myself to be addicted to any substance, it's just when I think about it, it is always an individual use. I never think about the whole picture, so to speak, and it scares me, that is all.

Originally Posted by noneedtoknow

Hey JA-just a little word of caution-sounds like you are romantisizing the drug-that's a scary place to be. I was told to think through what that next drug/drink will do to me-follow it to the end. Yup, aint so glamourous. The other thing is the wish for the ease and comfort you thought you got from the drug. That will come the more you practice just "being in your skin" and learning how to handle those situations without the drug. It takes time. Look at that and what can you do to make it better? Maybe I'm wac, but just wanted to put in my two cents. Good luck to you.

neneedtoknow, I think you're definitely right, I am romanticizing it, but I mean who dreams of the bad parts? If I am going to change my way of thinking about it, than I need to consciously remind myself of the horrors of reality. More so specifically recently, I have been more comfortable in my own skin, because also in the year that I hadn't used, I started working out and taking MMA classes, which also helped me get my mind off it and improved my body so that I can be more comfortable in my own skin.

The biggest issue I have regarding percs is that I feel like if it would be presented in front of me that I wouldn't have the will power to say no. it is that issue I wanted your feedback on, and I still wish to hear what others have to say. I appreciate everyone's feedback in general, regardless of the tone.

who knows though, maybe I would be able to say no? I just haven't been in that position in order to prove that to myself. But I suppose that's a good thing.

[layla11]

Hi, my issues were alcohol related. I was told that missing my drug of choice was normal and this too shall pass. It was a great friend of mine for years, it did all kinds of things for me, even kept me alive for years. So, why wouldn't I miss it. You dont need the percocet, but its okay to miss it. Take one day at a time and dont let your mind tell you that you need it. Try, working out again or doing something you enjoy. You will be okay and you get the experience of just being yourself, and being loved for just being you.
Oh, also if your afraid of not being able to resist it, if presented at some time. My advise is to stay away from those situations. I dont go to the places I used to go, or hang around the people I used to know. I had had enough, my health was suffering. I am very happy, I quit. Congradulations on quitting.

[madisgram]

JA when we get sober and clean they advise us strongly to stay away from ppl, places and things re temptation. 1. people- drug users no matter if it's a recreational user, drug dealers 2. places-, where drugs are sold, head shops, etc 3. things-drug paraphenaillia, old bags where your drug was in when you purchased, etc.
yeah you may feel lonely at first but engage yourself with drug free friends.
regardless if you're offered something say i don't use anymore. then get out of that place or away from that person. once anyone knows you are not a user they'll scatter like flies. who wants to be around a person that's no longer using? most likely they will have their own hell coming up.
ppl, places and things are all triggers that set you up for a fall.
hope this clarifies your question.

[noneedtoknow]

JA-I can understand the fear of, "what would I do if presented with my drug of choice" I sure had that fear-and thankfully have been able to say "no thanks" everytime up to today. But like other posters have written, we don't ""put ourselves in harms way" either. I hope the "tone" of my posting wasn't offensive-I never meant to sound that way-just wanted to be helpful-so if I came off anyway other than helpful,I apologize. And good for you on getting into MMA fighting! Sweeet! Wish I could do that myself. Ya gotta see the movie "Here comes the Boom" It's really funny about a teacher that gets into MMA fighting to make money for his school. It a definete feel good movie. Check it out! And good luck to you

[joseph_anthony]

Originally Posted by layla11

Hi, my issues were alcohol related. I was told that missing my drug of choice was normal and this too shall pass. It was a great friend of mine for years, it did all kinds of things for me, even kept me alive for years. So, why wouldn't I miss it. You dont need the percocet, but its okay to miss it. Take one day at a time and dont let your mind tell you that you need it. Try, working out again or doing something you enjoy. You will be okay and you get the experience of just being yourself, and being loved for just being you.
Oh, also if your afraid of not being able to resist it, if presented at some time. My advise is to stay away from those situations. I dont go to the places I used to go, or hang around the people I used to know. I had had enough, my health was suffering. I am very happy, I quit. Congradulations on quitting.

Layla11, this post is spot on, and basically exactly what I needed to read. That is what I have been striving for the past year. I suppose the process I went about to stop using was rather different from the standard process, mainly being that I was kind of forced into it, but nonetheless here I am today.

I hope I will be able to continue staying away from it, it still scares me sometimes after I think about using it again, but I feel so much more confident now just because I have been able to talk about it with you guys. I don't have anyone to talk about anything with at home.

Originally Posted by madisgram

once anyone knows you are not a user they'll scatter like flies. who wants to be around a person that's no longer using? most likely they will have their own hell coming up.
ppl, places and things are all triggers that set you up for a fall.
hope this clarifies your question.

madisgram, your post absolutely clarified my question, and I thank you for your input. This is basically what happened when I was trying to stop initially and I started to try to get my friend to separate himself from it as well, but he wouldn't so I had to do what was necessary to save myself. All he did was stop telling me he was still using, and he'd stop hanging out with me as much because he began to feel guilty around me, but he still had it on him from time to time he would offer it to me.

Originally Posted by noneedtoknow

JA-I can understand the fear of, "what would I do if presented with my drug of choice" I sure had that fear-and thankfully have been able to say "no thanks" everytime up to today. But like other posters have written, we don't ""put ourselves in harms way" either. I hope the "tone" of my posting wasn't offensive-I never meant to sound that way-just wanted to be helpful-so if I came off anyway other than helpful,I apologize. And good for you on getting into MMA fighting! Sweeet! Wish I could do that myself. Ya gotta see the movie "Here comes the Boom" It's really funny about a teacher that gets into MMA fighting to make money for his school. It a definete feel good movie. Check it out! And good luck to you

noneedtoknow, Not at all, the tone of your post I felt was spot on. I have realized over time that I sometimes need a little bit of the harsh reality helpfulness, which I had gotten from Roadie, and your post was of the same theme but the tone was absolutely helpful. I thank you very much!

I saw the coming attractions for that movie, it looked hilarious, the one with kevin james. I hadn't gotten around to seeing it though. There was this movie out a year ago called warrior that is my favorite MMA movie so far, definite action flick.

[Rose76]

I think I can relate to the positive feelings you have about Percocet. Over the past year, I fell in love with hydrocodone. Besides being good for pain, I found that it was the best thing I ever took for helping me feel better mentally. I never got to using it a lot because I specifically didn't want to develop a problem. I don't have a history of addiction. (Qualifier: I am habituated to Pscyh meds, but never took them other than as prescribed.)

I guess this will be another "qualifier." I've taken hydrocodone once in awhile specifically to combat depression, even when I didn't need it for pain. It's the best thing I ever tried. I've done that like once a week . . . kind of to get some respite from misery. But I wouldn't stick to even that for fear of what I could get drawn into.

I have a few pills in a drawer that I feel I have to save for emergency pain use. If I thought I could easily get a supply of them, I think I would start taking them more and more for depression. I've gotten to this point only after doing everything else for depression and having it get worse regardless. Using them more would probably cause me to develop tolerance and then not find them helpful in lifting my mood.

I put this here only to say that I can understand someone liking an opiate enough to use it illicitly. I believe everything you say about the Percocet making you feel good. I'm glad you got off them because to continue could ruin your life.

[joseph_anthony]

Originally Posted by Rose76

I think I can relate to the positive feelings you have about Percocet. Over the past year, I fell in love with hydrocodone. Besides being good for pain, I found that it was the best thing I ever took for helping me feel better mentally. I never got to using it a lot because I specifically didn't want to develop a problem. I don't have a history of addiction. (Qualifier: I am habituated to Pscyh meds, but never took them other than as prescribed.)

I guess this will be another "qualifier." I've taken hydrocodone once in awhile specifically to combat depression, even when I didn't need it for pain. It's the best thing I ever tried. I've done that like once a week . . . kind of to get some respite from misery. But I wouldn't stick to even that for fear of what I could get drawn into.

I have a few pills in a drawer that I feel I have to save for emergency pain use. If I thought I could easily get a supply of them, I think I would start taking them more and more for depression. I've gotten to this point only after doing everything else for depression and having it get worse regardless. Using them more would probably cause me to develop tolerance and then not find them helpful in lifting my mood.

I put this here only to say that I can understand someone liking an opiate enough to use it illicitly. I believe everything you say about the Percocet making you feel good. I'm glad you got off them because to continue could ruin your life.

Rose76, I hear where you're coming from. In my darker days when I had issues getting any percocet, I would gladly substitute a Vicodin or two, so I understand the feelings associated, and I can tell you clear and true that they aren't so far apart from one another. You seem to be planning some form of control over your substance usage, something that I always reasoned with myself that I was doing as well.

Are you prescribed the Hydrocodone? I would caution you just as I have been cautioned to be weary of using a drug you aren't prescribed.

I appreciate that you can understand where I am coming from, opiates are very dangerous because they just seem so right, but I know now that it is a false love, a love that will consume one's life and not give it back. It is just difficult blocking out the memories of the "high times" so to speak.

[Rose76]

Hi JA . Yes, the Vicodin (hydrocodone/tylenol) was prescribed for me . . . for pain from deteriorated discs in my neck. After the last prescription, my MD told me that I couldn't get more, unless I got off my sleeping pill and went into a program that monitors use (random pee tests, etc.) I have come down on the temazepam for sleep, but getting off completely will take more time. I am afraid of benzo withdrawal. So I have been stretching out my little stash of Vicodin as best I can.

I would say that part of what limits my use is that I have this very limited supply (like 6 left.) I probably can not get more for now. Like Roadie says above, limited supply is what is the control, not my own decision. But even before my doctor cut me off, I was using them very sparingly. I am afraid of getting addicted. Also, I am afraid of getting tolerant and the pills not working as good.

Still, when I am very depressed, these tablets hold a real allure for me. If I had no trouble getting more and more of them, I could see me having a potential for going down that slippery slope. I feel so much better mentally after a dose, and that feeling lasts over night and into the next day. I wish there were a psych med that made such a difference.

I, too, have a friend who gets Vicodin from his doctor. He doesn't see why I don't just take them at the drop of a hat. He's habituated, and I don't want to get that way.

[joseph_anthony]

Rose, Fully understood, I wasn't sure the specifics regarding your usage before, and I apologize if I may have had seemed forward. It definitely seems like you have your mindset in the right place, nevertheless I'd still err on the side of caution, just because I know how much I still look forward to being there again.

Thank you for sharing your experiences with me!