[ddowner]

I know this thread isn't about me, but I need to know the right way to treat his situation. I've known my friend for several years now and helped him through a mini crisis yesterday, by chatting on the phone with him for 5 hours. By the time we had finished talking, he said he'd finished off a bottle of vodka. He's been an alcoholic for several years but is now starting to have physical pains in his side and near his liver. It is getting worse. He won't do therapy and said he can't stop on his own. The kind of care he needs is expensive and he can't afford it now. He said he spends on average 300 dollars a month on just alcohol and he also probably smokes about a pack a day. I'm really worried about him and I don't want to lose him. He also has a family that would be devastated if something happened to him. I can relate to having an addiction, but sometimes I don't know the right things to say/do for him as far as dealing with the alcoholism. Any advice/help would be much appreciated here.

[madisgram]

first off alcoholics take people hostage. sounds like your 5 hour phone call was that. in person i'd tell your friend how concerned you are about his drinking. he may engage in dialogue. ask him if he's sick and tired of being sick and tired. offer to go to an aa meetibg with him if he knows he's in trouble.
you can't change the outcome if he wishes to drink. only he can. if he wishes to continue lay down a boundary. tell him how much he means to you but you won't be willing to be or talk with him while he's drinking.

[ddowner]

Well, he lives in another state so I can't do that. He won't go to AA anyways. I don't feel he took me hostage, either.. just wanted someone to talk to and I can't stop talking to him because I feel like I'm one of the few whom he can trust and who understands. I just wish he wasn't always drunk when we talked. He is sick and tired of being sick and tired and he wants to get help. I told him that I will still be his friend and all that stuff, but that he has to want to stop on his own and actually do it. I don't want to sit back and watch him possibly kill himself

[Vicci25]

My boyfriend smokes Weed every single day. He claimes that he isnt addicted but i disagree. It saddens me to see him do that to himself over and over. I have mixed emotions on whether or not that stuff is actually bad/!?! Not sure what to do or how to handle this situation either!! Any advice?

[Vicci25]

If you dont want to sit back and watch him kill himself then dont. Do whatever it takes to help him. Talk to his family, take a trip to were he lives and throw away all his alchohol and discuss it with him. Or tell someone that lives near him to do it. Hope this helps

[madisgram]

Originally Posted by ddowner

Well, he lives in another state so I can't do that. He won't go to AA anyways. I don't feel he took me hostage, either.. just wanted someone to talk to and I can't stop talking to him because I feel like I'm one of the few whom he can trust and who understands. I just wish he wasn't always drunk when we talked. He is sick and tired of being sick and tired and he wants to get help. I told him that I will still be his friend and all that stuff, but that he has to want to stop on his own and actually do it. I don't want to sit back and watch him possibly kill himself

dd, your last sentence says a lot. you can't control his drinking and you can't control his possible death. as long as he is not seeking direct help for his drinking it will just continue to escalate. alcoholism is a disease of progression. the longer we drink the more dreadful consequences there are including death.
i understand you care for him. the best thing you can do is say you won't be on the phone with him if he's drinking. that's true caring. perhaps his isolation will speed up his need to get help. those of us in recovery lost contact with others due to our drinking. no one even the alcoholic will get help without consequences such as loneliness.
hate to say it but snippets of your conversations may be in a blackout. he won't remember them at all. basically at any rate you're talking to the alcohol not your friend as you once knew him.
i don't wish to put you down or ignore your concerns. it just is what it is. i've lost many friends to this disease even my best gf who didn't get help. her misery was so bad she did the unthinkable.
http://alcoholism.about.com/cs/dyna/ht/enabling.htm