[thickntired]

Oh my dear God!!!! I had absolutely no idea how fricking annoying mania is when I don't numb by self medicating with pot and booze. This was my very first sober episode and I'm still reeling. It lasted about 7 wks until I checked myself into the psych ward because I was so afraid of relapsing.

Part of why it was so bad is that my meds were working great due to my sobriety. I've become more sensitive to their effects. The pdoc took me off prozac asap because it was prolonging the episode. They don't know if I will ever get back on prozac.

Right now I'm picking up the pieces from my manic behavior. I fired my sponsor, accused her of spreading around my 5th step, was fert add in AA was a cult and every negative thing shared at mtgs was directed at me. I disrupted sponsor/sponsee relations, sent crazy emails/texts and was convinced ppl were having AA mtgs just to discuss my bipolar. It was just awful, and now I'm crying st every other meeting. Thankfuly AA members are forgiving even if they don't understand bipolar.

I did manage to find a new sponsor, and I'm so excited bc she is also bipolar! So there are no mistakes.

I don't want to discourage anyone with this post but let ppl know it is possible to survive mania in sobriety. Drinking and drugging would havr done nothing but cause a slew of other new problems. It's a temporary fix that causes spiritual mental and physical bankruptcy.
Today I'm learning more life tools to use for bipolar rather than numbing.

Peace,

TnT

[roads]

I'm so proud of you, TnT! You learned an important lesson in a tough way--as another bipolar alcoholic, I can tell you that your sobriety was in danger and you probably would never have gotten your meds balanced until you did learn this lesson. I had to ... I suspect all bipolar addicts do.
And you did. You've done what you had to do!!
Roadie

[spondiferous]

Way to go, getting the help you need, and staying through it sober. You are so right...sobriety doesn't leave the edge between you and an episode, and feeling it 100% is scary. I've had the same thing. And it's awesome you found someone to support you in your sobriety who understands your issues. That is so important. Yay!