[NextToNormal]

I didn't think he felt so strongly about it. He always complains that he wishes he was 21 whenever I drink. I was thinking of ditching the idea of starting therapy once again but... I think I have to now. Here's the text he sent to me last night, I changed all instances of my name to "NoEmotion".

"I'm going to be completely and utterly honest, NoEmotion, even though I know that it'll solve nothing, fix nothing, mean nothing, considering how ingrained it is with your life... I really wish that you wouldn't drink as often as you do, and as much as you do. I've been terrified to even address this issue, because it's such a monstrously large can of worms, and I didn't want to throw a wrench into our friendship, but... I mean... I don't know what else to say. I don't know if there's anything left to say, but I need to say SOMETHING, because I am terrified for you, your health, and your future. I know that I'm being a hypocrite by saying this, because I would probably do the same, given the ability, but I'm saying it, anyway. I love you so much, NoEmotion... so much... and I wish that there was something - anything - that I could do, or say, or offer, that would make things better, but I know that there isn't. There is not a f****ing thing that I can say that I haven't already said, not a word of advice that I could offer that you'd follow. I can only offer support. Beyond that, you need to want to get better, but... I just... f***, I don't know what else to say. I'm wondering if I should even send this text... Please, NoEmotion... I'm begging you. I'm begging you, NoEmotion, please, get help. You cannot continue to live like this. You can't. This has been on my mind for such a long time, and I can't just ignore it like I try to do everything else. I'll pay for everything - treatment, therapy, you name it - if you'd just... get help. Good night."

Like a drunk idiot last night I replied with "Wow. That bad huh? I thought I was a cool drunk".

His reply, "I don't know how to respond to that. I've been typing, deleting, re-typing, and re-deleting my response, but I can't put to words what I'm feeling or what I want to say. But... yes. To put it simply, it is that bad. You're effectively taking painkillers when you should be focusing on not bleeding out."

I hope he doesn't Google his text to find this. Knowing him he probably might. So... if you're reading this I think I got the message. Also I have no idea how you can manage to type so much into your phone.

[anneo59]

wants you to take care of yourself!!!!

[hannabee]

Mostly we cannot see ourselves as others do. It is good that you are listening and great that he cares enough to call you out on what may become an even bigger problem, should you hurt yourself or someone else with your drinking.

[NextToNormal]

Well I went down to the health department and filled out sliding-scale paperwork. I have an appointment with a therapist on Oct. 10th. That's over two weeks away... oh well.