[tedo]

I need some advice on a situation, my aunt (like my mother) has had a car run her down over a year ago, and messed up her knee. Since that time she has started heavy drinking (vodka & ice) and is now I believe she is hook on her pain and sleeping meds she gets from to seperate doctors.She is aways falling down drunk and I have had to pick her up get her upstairs and actually put her to bed, just to have her cuss and theraten me.Once she fell down the stairs and the parimedics almost took her away for her own good. Now the situation is getting worst where now I am to blame for everything that happens, and she has call the police to toss me out of my home for the past 14 years taking care of her. She has this friend that is in no better condition then her hanging around all the time.
Two of her step kids have said I should bakeract her before she hurts her self again.
I need some help advice, If I leave there will be no one to put up with her. Lost??

[Rhapsody]

((((((( HUGS ))))))) ~ ~ ~ ~ (((((( HUGS )))))))

I am sorry for your pain and despair in what to do for someone you seem to care for and love very much.... I know from personal experience that some times we have to put our foot down and do what is not going to be accepted or liked for the well being of a loved one, like in your case.

Please think through this carefully and then ask yourself.... can I live with myself if some thing was to happen to my Aunt and YOU knew that you could have helped, but did nothing.

That is where YOU will find your answer.... think "Tough Love".


LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( hugs )))

[(JD)]

Well, unfortunately YOU can't have her Baker Act'd. It takes the police, medical doctor request. psychiatrist or psychologist to do that. Why not call social services in your County and seek out someone who can give you good advice. While she may have played the role of mother to you, unless you carry the Durable Power of Attorney, you may need to have one of the step children do the investigating and requesting from social services. If you do carry the attorney in fact status, then you can start the ball rolling. In any event, it isn't a quick easy process if she stays in her home (as opposed to standing drunk on top of a building's overlook.) See what support you receive from her MD, and go from there.

There comes a time, in the care and feeding of elder relatives, that we have to put aside the emotional and do what we would encourage a friend to do in the same situation. I know that even in her more lucid times, if there are any, she might agree to stop drinking etc... but do nothing about it. Counseling can help her make her own decisions. An antidepressant might help her because she might be self medicating her depression with the alcohol (or trying to.)

Give her first option to follow through with your ideas for help. If that doesn't work, then have a family intervention. Make sure YOU ALL meet first and be sure you all agree on the process/steps. This will go farther with a doctor when you request she be Baker'd, imo.

If you wish to be very involved, then do the background work on making your concerns to her MD known, then the next time she gets out of hand, call the police and inform them you want her Baker Act'd. (For those of you who don't know, in Florida when someone is confined to a mental ward against their will, they are Baker Act'd. It's only for 72 hours during which time a psychiatrist will evaluate them to determine if they need to stay longer.) Remember, once she detoxes in lock up she might be quite fine, and they will have to let her out. So the long term plans seem best to try first, imo. Good wishes.

[Raynaadi]

She's not going to want to get sober until she hits bottom. She has to want it for her. You can try to make her bottom come faster by threatening to call in help, or as sky mentioned, an intervention. If the family sits down with her and tells her of the fears, and that unless she gets help, the family won't do anything to enable her. It's a terrible situation being the loved one of an addict, because the addict has to make the decision for themselves. That leaves everyone else feeling powerless, which you are. Let her know that you love her and that you're worried about her, and ask her to get help. Let her know that you won't help her satisfy her addiction, and then stick to that resolve. Let her know this is a life and death situation, and you don't want her to die. Most importantly though, if she doesn't get help, know that you did what you could and it's not your fault. Best of luck to you, and thank you for sharing.

~Rayna

[DocJohn]

She definitely needs help, although it might be more helpful for her if she didn't have to go through the Baker Act process and do it on her own.

But if you've approached her about it and she just blows you off, it's something to consider. Especially if you believe she is an imminent danger to herself or others.

Talk to her doctor if you can and see if he has any suggestions. That would be the way to go, from my pov.

Take care and good luck,
John

[shadowalker164]

For me I like Rhapsody’s idea about tough love. I just might take the idea a bit further. And I quote…”If I leave there will be no one to put up with her” Go ahead and leave.

Let her sink. That may be her best hope for recovery. Not only will it (maybe) spur her on to do something about her drinking and pill popping, but you won’t have to be justifying your existence to the cops every time she decides to let go on you.

Just remember Tedo, you didn’t get her drunk, and you can’t get her sober either. This outcome is not in your hands.

Take care of yourself
Richard

[(JD)]

While I agree that sometimes for our own health we have to leave a situation entirely, it does have detrimental effects upon the elderly, imo. Younger ppl tend to have other contacts and activities that at some point (hopefully without harming another person) reaches out and grabs their attention.

With the elderly, they often become quite recluse even to the point of not allowing ANYONE into their home and avoiding the telephone. Their quality of life continues in a downhill direction.

Tough Love does enter into it though, imo, where you put YOUR personal feelings and vulnerabilities behind you protected, while you remain firm with what you know is the best thing for the other person.

Another thing I would suggest is that once you make a decision, (which hopefully all family involved could support you in) then give it a time period...a definite week or month that you will try this decision. That way you aren't second guessing yourself day to day as the person begins to try and manipulate you.

[RainbowFaerie]

Some very wise words indeed, Rayna.

RainbowFaerie