[emgreen]

My AA sponsor & I are very close; we're more best friends than we are sponsor & sponsee after all this time. He has Parkinsons disease & his decline is becoming more & more evident. For those of you who don't know of Parkinsons, it's a cruel disease that slowly immobilizes the body...There's no cure; it's just a progressive disease. The time may soon come when he can no longer drive to meetings because of the shaking that's common with Parkinsons. I'll do whatever I can to help him out, but I just feel helpless right now. I'm not sure why I'm posting this here, but the sponsor/sponsee relationship is something special...He's like family, & I dread the precipitous progression of his disease. That's all...I don't expect responses; I just wanted to get this feeling out of my system.

[kaliope]

youre posting because you feel helpless and don't know what you can do for your sponsor. but you said it. you can be there for support and caring. I am sorry that you have to go through this. take care

[thickntired]

Oh no!! I'm so sorry this is happening. I would definitely keep your connection and maybe your rolls will reverse. This could be a time where you could be the person for him to lean on. I think it would be hard but a good idea for you to look for a temporary sponsor for your needs and support. This is a very big stress on you and it's very important to keep sobriety in check. I don't think you have any need to hide the fact that you're working with a temp. It's understandable under these circumstances.

My sponsor is also bipolar and is about to switch meds because medicare won't cover her preferred choice. She is very anxious and afraid she might go manic or have to go to the hospital. If that happens I won't go to her as a sponsor because I know she needs to use all her time on herself. With her blessing I plan to use a temporary. I think she can tell me some ppl in AA who know she's bipolar and are familiar with the situation. I think this is selfless and gives me a chance to pay it back.

Tnt

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[emgreen]

Originally Posted by thickntired

My sponsor is also bipolar...

Thank you kaliope & tnt for your kind thoughts & feedback. Another reason my sponsor & I are so close is that his wife is also bipolar, so he fully understands my ups & downs. I don't announce the fact I'm bipolar at meetings because I feel my alcoholism & mental illness exist separately...Plus, there are still many people who don't understand the disease. While I do feel I self-medicated before being diagnosed bipolar, I feel I would have been an alcoholic without the MI to worry about; there are just too many alcoholics in my family to deny some kind of genetic link. I'd like to find another sponsor who understands MI, but I'd have to disclose the fact that I'm bipolar at meetings to find one.

Both my sponsor & I hate talking on the telephone so, in addition to hitting many of the same meetings & going for coffee a few times a week, we communicate primarily via email. I know I could always call him if I were in a pinch, but I'm convinced emailing helps focus on the issues we're dealing with much more concisely. Here's a paragraph from an email I wrote him today. He has a PhD in Geology, so breccias refers to rocks he's studied his entire life:

We talk a lot about a variety of issues, but one that I seldom broach is your feelings about the Parkinsons. I felt that you'd talk about it if you felt the need. Like your beloved breccias, you've been a rock in the face of your disease. Like breccias, however, fissures will appear & weaken the rock from time to time. It sounds like you're experiencing fissures where your disease is concerned. There's no shame in feeling weak in the face of something like Parkinsons; feel free to share these feelings with me rather than bottling things up so often. It's kind of a male trait to stuff one's feelings, but please know I'm here to listen & help however I can. You're a very important part of my sobriety & my life. I do worry about you & the progression of the Parkinsons but, again, I never ask too much about it because I figure you'll share when you feel like it. Maybe this is one of those times. Please know that whatever your health or your feelings about it, you can count on me for whatever you need. I hope this paragraph doesn't sound too sappy, but every word is true.

I'd try to find a temp sponsor, but I fear there's no one else with whom I could forge the kind of bond we've been able to establish. I'm not religious (I'm spiritual & believe in a higher power of my own understanding), but if you believe in a higher power, please remember Dave in your meditations.

Thanks again for your kind thoughts.

[notz]

I can appreciate your sadness because of this insidious disease, my father in law has it.