[Introvrtd1]

Im still binge drinking.....Every night.

I take tons of vitamins like Fish Oil, B-Complex, C, D, E, Cal-Mag-Zinc, Milk Thistle, and a few medications for hypertension. I get regular medical checkups, but my bloodwork is ok with a few concerns about my liver enzymes.

I have health anxieties, but at the same time I'll try to justify it by convincing myself that it's only lite beer.

I know Im kidding myself. I know that. I also know you may think of me as someone who doesnt care about my health or well being....Well I do.

So why am I on here tossing out all the skeletons from my metaphoric closet?

Because.......

Thats what this forums here for.....Maybe.....Just maybe theres someone else reading this is doing the same thing Im doing right now....Maybe someone reading this may have related experience or insight as to what the heck is wrong (or right) with me!

I keep kicking myself and wondering who the hell do I think I am??

But this isnt about me.....It should be about someone who can LEARN from this story about how Im slowly killing myself and trying to justify it by saying, "well...at least Im not the only one..." Huh?!

I go to the gym....I workout....Two or three times a week for about an hour at a time.....So! Is that supposed to excuse the bingeing?

As far as my anxiety goes, yes, its there....the lack of quality sleep is there....the mild withdrawals at oh-dark-thirty in the morning when I go to work are there... But I still function.... 7 days a week!

The point to all this is do I really have balance? (Rhetorically speaking) I say no! Choose one side or the other....Good Health.....or Bad Habits!

I personally dont believe the two can coexist!

[Travelinglady]

Thanks for sharing. People don't seem to understand how drugs like alcohol can overtake their good judgment--and to say, "It won't happen to me."

[Altered Moment]

I drank very heavily for 17 years until I was 32. I never thought about the health consequences. What got to me was how it affected how I felt about myself. Then how it affected all my relationships and then work and pretty much everything. If I was "functional", meaning I made it to work each day then I rationalized it as ok. It wasn't. I ended up totally disfunctional and got fired from two jobs. That was my bottom. You can get off the elevator at any floor.

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[ramirorico]

Hi Introvrtd1,

You are not alone. I tried to quit drinking many many times. I started drinking when I was 10 years old and I'm currently 49. At my worst point, I was drinking a half-gallon of vodka a day.

I'm currently in a drug and alcohol rehab facility and I had a 'little sip of beer' a few days ago.

It's hard to quit. I've been reading the articles on the zenhabits blog and I'm learning a lot.

For instance, this past week he wrote about how it is our desire that keeps us from changing our life. We think we want to change, but deep down inside we still have the desire to drink.

That's the clincher!

We can change only when we no longer have the desire to drink. Or something like that.......

[Introvrtd1]

Its getting better.....Things dont seem so hopeless anymore....

[ifumel]

You have taken the first step...congratulations! Awareness is that first step. Drink a ton of water....tea as well...no soda!
Your journey back to health will take stages...the first will be physical, the second one is emotional and the third is spiritual. First, don't pick up...second, don't give up...third, look up. You have the power to stop the one thing hurting you... even though you do so much that's good for you, get on your knees to pray for that power every morning and every night. You can do it!

[gkzoid]

Great advice.....I've had 25 years off of drugs and 7 months ago I hurt my shoulder and have been using vicodin on and off....not for pain but to get high....I don't use that much so I'm kinda of in a perpetual state of withdrawl with small episodes if getting high.....but while it has not effected my life so far I do know it's a dead end path....but without it, I just don't enjoy life....it's been that way for many years.....so I guess I'll just keep trying...