[x123]

My brother is probably an alcoholic. He seems to binge and then sleep most of the next day. I know he isn't happy and would like to change, but he hasn't found a way. I became angry with him when I found him working at our business late at night while drinking. I took his beer and told him to go home as soon as it was worn off, because I didn't want him to be arrested for drinking and driving. I saw a tear form in the corner of his eye, and that memory is painful to me. When he married 15 years ago, he had stopped drinking for several years, but his wife thought he was being silly not to drink, so she bullied him and mocked him constantly. She wanted her husband to be able to drink with her. Maybe it isn't fair for me to blame his wife, but she certainly wasn't supportive. After a few years of marriage, he began to drink again. Now his wife criticizes him for drinking. I don't know if she remembers how she scoffed at his refusal to drink when they first married - probably not.

What can I do to help him if anything? One thing I am trying to do is to treat him nicer (we are business partners). I have been going to a therapist for almost a year. I haven't made progress, but I intend to improve.

Any other ideas? My brother is so busy. I think he doesn't have time to think.


BTW I used to have a drinking problem too, but it was not as severe. I know how hard it is to quit, because I got very lucky. I hope I never relapse. I don't want to go back.

[marmaduke]

I do blame his wife she was selfish to encourage him to drink.
I wonder if the marriage is floundering and causing even more stress.
Would he go to AA?

[Moogieotter]

First, protect your own MH. Work on getting close to him and making sure he trusts and knows you care. He might be more likely to be honest with you and then honest with himself about it all. Then yeah, AA or a program would be your best bet.

It might take something big, like the loss of the business or a DUI to get him to see what it sounds like is really going on.

Good Luck,

moogs

x123, your brother's wife selfishly got him back to drinking so she could feel better about herself. Get your brother some phone numbers for the local AA chapter, and get him a Big Book and a 12steps book as well. Go with him to a meeting a couple of times. If he needs to take a vacation from his wife, so be it. But you have to be there for your brother. Don't worry about their marriage, just be dedicated to him. He is the most important one right now. Blessings.

[x123]

Thanks, everybody, for the advice

His wife tried to get him to join AA a few years ago, but he was unenthusiastic. He is introverted and also very private. I will continue working on my own problems so that I can be nicer to him.