[CognitoSchiz1989]

I stopped using drugs 4+ years ago. I will be sober 5 years on December 11 this year. Sometimes I find myself looking back on my time as a drug user and actually like that person better. Let me explain myself. She was more outgoing. She had more friends. She was more social. She actually had a sex drive. These days just seem so bland. Ever since I stopped I fell into a new person. I was diagnosed years later with Schizoaffective Disorder (Depressive type). I don't know if that is what changed me or the drug me was just the fake me. Sometimes I wish I could take back my personality when I was a drug dealer and replace it with what I am now.

[Swabbingred]

I can definitely relate. In retrospect, when I use to abuse a wide-array of drugs, I was more intact with the textures and flavors that it had given to me in life. Life was quite enjoyable to live during those times.. that's what drugs do. I'm sure that there were negative attributes that are connotative with your previous use with drugs or else why would you have of went sober? What was your motivation to quit in the first place?

My advice is to try deter from the dwelling of an inebriated self, you can find the stimulation to attain those positive aspects you've listed above without the use of any form of substance. I'm hitting around the 2 week mark of quitting pot and will admittedly say that I do look back on it and miss it too, but look how far we have both come in terms of finding a certain grounding that doesn't involve using.

In the midst of partying and having a good time it’s real easy to believe that you’re just having fun. That you’re living life to the fullest, making the most of your youth, going with the flow, expanding your consciousness, becoming one with nature, until the drugs wear off -- how do you handle life when you aren't "on it''.

[Kaprizzz]

Both persons - now and then - are you. You changed. We all do. Every second. And it is not necessarily a bad thing. I see why you want to go back to your previous self. You can't have the same fun you did before. But do you really need it? You changed. You should be proud of yourself. You still can have fun. You decided you can't have fun without drugs. It is not true. Some time ago I had to stop drinking alcohol because of health problems. I wasn't addicted but I liked to drink. I couldn't imagine how I would go places and meet people without drinking. I felt like a freak. Really. Now I am totally cool with it. I can have fun without drinking. The good thing is that I don't have hangover the next morning. My friends are jealous

[Refuse2Sink]

I absolutely understand what you mean. I could be whoever or whatever I wanted to be on drugs; I was social, had no fear, I had more sex, more fun. Since getting sober (going on 8 months) I am a totally different person. I have come to the conclusion that it was totally fake. It's the very reason I started doing ecstasy in high school (to be more fun and social, to loose inhibitions). Then at 19, I discovered Xanax and pain pills...the beginning of the end. I loved them. No more anxiety, no more emotional pain. I went on like this for ten years. All that I was doing was putting a band aid on a broken arm. I was never "better" I was still the same introverted, anxious mess that I was before drugs, only worse bc then I hated myself for all the bad things I did in my active addiction. I constantly have to remind myself of the bad times in addition to keep myself from romancing the good times.

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