[voncloft]

Let me explain: I love feeling good, no matter the cost.
(I am going to be 29 years old in less than a month. I work an "okay job") I live on my own and have "cheated" the system (atleast in my eyes) for money by going to a bank account that only charges interest if you go into negative numbers as long as you don't go more than a $1000 for 3 months in a row, the problem: I need to start saving darn it, my "backup plan" is there isn't one!!. Anyways...here are a few examples:

I love alcohol - even "IF" i know I don't have the money to finance it I will buy a case of beer - even though I know payday is 2 weeks away and I only have $100 in checking and I know full well it will put me into debt I still do it.

I love fast food so I will spend for ONE MEAL $30 just because I have to have it!!

I will spend $60 on phonesex!

I will spend $200 on groceries and never use them

I can only imagine what would happen if an actual emergency happened for money (afraid to think about)

Long story short: I will spend money at impulsive times for what I am feeling at that one point in time; only to regret it later - knowing i should be saving. I would say out of 30 days of the month....I'm in debt on average atleast 20 out of the 30 (I mean I can go in debt $300 for 2 weeks and only pay $.60 - tempting right?).

I know I should stop spending money and start saving (I did finances I am on average $4-500 free per month if I am "good" - the problem: I think to myself "that $400 should be able to go towards x because hey I "want" it - screw logic, only to spend it....and regret it when I look at my checking account the next day)

I have tried a few things to remedy the situation: mostly - "trying" to leave the debit card at home - thinking if I put it in the safe the night before I won't spend it stupidly....the next morning I unlock the safe and take it to work with me to spend it on vending machines - even though I packed a lunch.

I know this can't go on forever, and I know I need help - can anybody point me in the right direction!! Its as if I have two people in my head - the "want to be adult" and the "child" and am at war with myself.

Hello, voncloft.



Sincerely,

Rainy

[mindwrench]

You are on the right track, seeing what you are doing and admitting it to yourself is a big step. I too lived this way for most of my life, and it makes a mess that is tough to fix.

[Skeezyks]

Hello voncloft: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

[bizi]

I am bipolar1 and your behavior sounds a bit hypomanic to me. Could you go see a doctor and get evaluated? medications could really help with some of your symptoms.
bizi

[PumpkinPieHead]

I like the idea of leaving the debit card at home. Be sure and carry a $20 bill with you in case you need a coffee or a snack. Learn to be strong! I save money and it gives me good feels to see it pile up. The trick is just to get started. You can do it, I believe in you!

[Quarter life]

As shopping can be habit forming so too can saving. I would live hand to mouth in my younger days...and just couldn't gain traction with saving money. But I made the conscious decision to start putting a small chunk away every week...sometimes I could only manage $5...but I made a steadfast rule to put something away every single week. After a year of doing this I had enough to treat myself...but resisted the urge. Soon my saving became as addictive as spending, and I just kept on saving. I now own my house and am 100% debt free. I have a credit card for emergencies but it is rarely used.

The stress of debt is so all consuming...once one gets into the habit of saving 'Spending because we can' becomes a thing of the past. However...impulse control can often be connected to chemical imbalance, so having a chat with your doctor may be a wise first step.

[voncloft]

Originally Posted by PumpkinPieHead

I like the idea of leaving the debit card at home. Be sure and carry a $20 bill with you in case you need a coffee or a snack. Learn to be strong! I save money and it gives me good feels to see it pile up. The trick is just to get started. You can do it, I believe in you!

Thannks for the positive belief of success, it is greatly appreciated.

[voncloft]

Well I am currently in debt ($100) and I just spent $50 on groceries - I have one or two bills coming through before I get paid so before I get paid I will probably be -$300, with a big boost from overtime I should be safe around $7-800 (including the debt i currently will accumulate + paycheck) and hopefully I am done with debt (I got some over time on this paycheck)

I did this for one reason - lets see what $50 will get me for a week, i bought the essentials: bread, eggs, peanut butter and jelly, ham, bananas, apples, cereal, milk, eggs, and body soaps (body and hair) - and diet soda, and 7 tv dinners each $1.00

I am trying to kill 2 birds with one stone. I am trying to figure out: how long that will last me, hopefully 2 weeks (except the tv dinners they will probably last a week 1 for every dinner a day) - AND how many calories that will equate to in a week - to lose weight. I am hoping 2 weeks is the average for $50 (I am fine with $100 a month on groceries - better than the average of $2-300 for a bachelor)

I am leaving my debit card at home in this time frame, if I take it with my my mind will say something dumb like "You might need gas in your car man" - only to become "Hey you have your debit card so lets buy from the vending machine because you're on break at work" (Work should not be getting its money back from me lol)

So "hopefully" I gain discipline from this, save money, (hopefully this is my last time going in debt stupidly - I literally slashed prices for expenses - a HUGE amount - I'm trying to make it worth it) - realize I spend "x" amount on groceries and put some money away every week.

My biggest expense right now is rent, followed by food in 2nd; if I can strip it to $100 a month my expense slashing should have been worth it - I am hoping to make groceries 4th place and make electric 2nd.

So far its per month:
1) Rent - $625
2) Food - $334 (used to be hoping to get down below $100 was on a diet plan through the mail, which i never stuck with to be honest)
3) Electric - $90 (*around there)
4) Credit Card - $88 (using tax return to pay it off and with any luck money i put away)
5) Car Insurance - $60
6) Internet - $50
7) Another debt I was stupid to get involved with paypal - $35 (just paying interest off - hoping once credit card is paid off I can increase payments)
8) Phone bill - $15 (used to be $130)

once credit card and paypal are paid off I can save even more.

So with any luck my "plan" should be 8-12 months to be "free" of misery

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Originally Posted by bizi

I am bipolar1 and your behavior sounds a bit hypomanic to me. Could you go see a doctor and get evaluated? medications could really help with some of your symptoms.
bizi

Exactly my thoughts. Or even BPD with the impulse buying and drinking. I'm bipolar and I would use just to get hypo. That feel good feeling. I too was like you and would spend my last dollar, even paying in all coins for a drink. Seeing that this forum is mostly for MI I'm wondering if you ever got evaluated for it? If not I think it should be your next step. I wish you the best and feel free to PM if you need someone to talk you down

[GGChar]

I agree with the bipolar suggestion. Your behaviour sounds like you like the adrenaline and risk of your spending. I've been there and it can get really out of control.if it seems like a real pattern and you find your current plan doesn't work then I would do some deeper thinking about it.

There are lots of resources online and the bipolar forum is AWESOME!

Good luck!